


Lost in the echo

by SonataNocturne



Category: Linkin Park
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Feels, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Drug Use, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Violence, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 02:29:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 26,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12854808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonataNocturne/pseuds/SonataNocturne
Summary: Chester is having nightmares and trying to deal with his past. Will he be making it on his own or does he need help?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is literally the first fanfiction I have ever written in english. So please be kind! After Chester passing (RIP) I have tried to focus my thoughts on writing and I do feel like it is helping. This is completed and originally published in LPFiction and Wattpad. Check out also my other LP fanfiction stories! Enjoy.

Chester woke up to the sound of metal clinging above his head. It was dark and he could barely see. Someone was hovering above him freeing his wrists from shackles it seemed

 

"Finally. Are you ready?" the person asked trying to lift him up.

 

His feet were numb and wrists sore.

 

"Well? I have had enough of the bullshit" the man now dragged him in his feet and was pulling him by his wrists.

 

"What... Hey stop it!" Chester tried to protest but he was way too weak for the strong stranger.

 

"No. We had this fight already. Now you obey or I will get really mad and you know that isn't fun. At least isn't for you" the man pushed him forward with a grin in his voice.

 

He couldn't do anything but to walk, still dumbfounded what was happening. He didn't have time to think and the man pushed him into another room that had faint light coming from a broken lamp. The room had torn dirty wallpapers and big messy looking bed with only a thin sheet. On one corner of the room there was lonely chair turned away from the center and on the other corner a pile of empty bottles and cans. Mostly beer and Redbull but also some water.

 

"Undress" the man shoved him further and closed the door behind.

 

"Wh..what?" Chester turned around thinking he hadn't heard that right. Then he saw it. The stranger had greasy black hair drooping over his gray eyes. He was weirdly twitching the other eye. Cheeks covered in acne scars and beard not shaved just bit too long. He wasn't muscular but tall and sturdy. And now Chester remembered it all. All the days before. All the tears and screaming. All the bruises and cuts after. And how he had gotten here again. And how the man wasn't stranger after all. He went pale and broke in cold sweat.

 

"No no no no no no no!" he lunged towards the closed door.

 

"For fucks sakes Chester! What did I tell you just few minutes ago. I am NOT doing this all again. You know how this goes" the man was now on the verge of screaming.

 

"But... Why..." he was whispering for the door

 

"You know why. Cause you are pathetic, weak, disgusting creature that no one loves", the man grabbed his collar and pulled him away from the door.

 

"So now. Do as you are told or do I need to give you another lesson? Remember last time? You couldn't wear tight shirts in a week. You know I saw you..."

 

Chester gulped and dropped his gaze. The memory made him shiver. He couldn't believe this was happening again. Why him? Oh yes, he was ugly, skinny and pathetic. Yes he knew that. But why not to leave him alone? Why not to bully someone else? His palms started to sweat and he wiped them in his skinny black jeans.

 

"NOW!" the man yelled suddenly and Chester startled.

 

He begin to take his shirt off and remembered- the door wasn't locked. The lock had broke few weeks ago. He could try. He would only has to get to the other room and little bit further. The back door was in the corner of the other room. And it certainly wasn't locked either. Now or never, he decided and lunged once again towards the door. He apparently made it cause it was dark again and he heard the man yelling. He searched the room for a second and ran to the back door. Well at least he tried. He tripped to something and fell grunting in pain.

 

"Why you always want to do this in the hard way? You fucking never learn!" the man was now screaming on his face and then started to drag him by his ankle. He tried to grab to anything he could but the man was strong.

 

"Stop it! You can't get away before I am finished!" he yelled to Chester.

 

Back in the room the man lifted him by his collar and threw on the bed closing the door again. Chester was now trying to catch a breath. It went as well as he thought. He was so familiar with failure that it didn't even surprise him.

 

"I can see the wheels turning in you head. But I can assure you it would be the easiest and less painful if you would just give up" the man was brushing his dirty hair away from his face the eye twitching even more than before. He came climbing on top of Chester.

 

"So... Where were we?" the man was now grinning and licking his dry lips.

 

"Please... Just let me go", Chester plead tears filling his eyes.

 

"Oh love... I have heard that so many times from you. And how many times I have let you go? Right, none" the man laughed and licked salty tears from his cheek

 

It was more like an reaction than anything else. Chester slapped the man in the face. Hard, but still slapped. Like a little bitch.

 

"You fucking...!" the man screamed with flaming eyes. Before Chester even knew what was happening something crashed on his head and he felt blood running down his face. He gasped and all went black.


	2. Chapter 2

"Chester! What the fuck is happening!" Mike swung the door open. Chester was on a floor trying to figure out exactly what was happening. He felt something wet on his face and could only see Mike's frame at the door.

 

"I heard you screaming like a crazy person", Mike came closer and switched the bedside lamp on. "Are you al.. The hell! You are bleeding!" he instantly started to search where the blood came.

 

"Mike stop it! I...". Chester started and realized he was safe in his own bedroom. Fucking nightmares. He haven't seen them in years. Why now?

 

Mike found the wound on top of Chester's head. "We need to get it cleaned. It isn't that deep but.. what were you doing?", he looked worried. Chester was covered in cold sweat and looked utterly confused.

 

"It was just a bad dream", he muttered to the younger man.

 

"Bad dream? When I have bad dreams I don't wake up covered in blood", his friend answered shaking his head. "Wait, I'll get the first-aid kit". Mike left quickly and came back with a red slim package.

 

Chester sat still only in his boxer briefs as his friend cleaned the wound and wiped the blood off his face. He apparently had hit his head to the bedside table in his sleep since it was slightly moved and had blood in the corner. 

 

"You know I could have done that myself too", he told to the darker skinned man who was fussing over him. He was feeling weird getting taken care of like that

 

"Yeah, but before that you would have had to ask me where the first-aid kit was. You didn't listen back then when I told you where it is. But it is done now. Doesn't seem to need any stitches I believe. You know you have weird small bump just beside that wound?", Mike asked cleaning the used antiseptic wipes to trash.

 

"Oh.. Yes that is old one. Can't even remember where it came", the tattooed man answered knowing exactly where it came. The dream came back flowing in his mind. It wasn't exactly a dream even. Just a memory hidden into a nightmare. Funny that the scar from the bottle he was hit with was just where the table corner also hit.

 

"So... Do you want to talk about it? You screamed really loud and seemed to be in panic", Mike asked still worry in his eyes.

 

"No. What time it is?", Chester said firmly and shook his head.

 

"5.30 AM. You want to get some more sleep or coffee?", Mike felt like he shouldn't push it further. There was clearly something weighing heavy on the older man's shoulders but he would talk when he would feel like it.

 

"Coffee please. Make it strong", Chester smiled, rose and started to get dressed.

 

Mike smiled back and left the room to get also dressed before making the coffee.

\-----

The coffee was strong. And good. And hot, like Chester loved it. Mike had also toasted some bagels ready and fetched the newspaper. He would make a lovely husband someday, he thought. Or wife, Chester laughed to himself.

 

"What's so funny?" Mike returned to the kitchen same time with clean laundry and Chester burst into laugh.

 

"You guys are already awake?" Brad came downstairs yawning.

 

"Yeah well Chester here had a nightmare and couldn't sleep anymore. And I couldn't sleep after him screaming like that", Mike answered and continued towards the stairs with the laundry.

 

"Oh it was Chester! I thought you were watching porn", Brad poured himself a huge cup of coffee.

 

"What? At 5 AM? And what porn do you watch where people scream like that?, Mike stopped staring at Brad.

 

"Well, learned from the best", Brad wiggled his eyebrows grinning and directing his words back to Mike. Chester snorted and spilled the coffee.

 

"Omg! Brad, never have I ever... Geez", Mike rolled his eyes and headed back to the stairs.

 

"That was good one", Chester winked his eye on Brad.

 

"Huh? I wasn't joking", Brad sipped the coffee with a straight face and continued to read the newspaper. 

 

"Joe just called. He will be earlier today. Something about annoying sister-in-law", Rob walked to the kitchen hair still wet from the shower.

 

"Good. Lots of work still to finish", Chester spread heavy amount of cream cheese on a bagel and nod for Rob.

 

"Why there is no coffee left?", Rob mumbled staring at the pot. 

 

"Dunno...", Brad answered hugging his huge mug like he was afraid Rob would steal it from him. 

 

"Guys! I just did laundry. How the heck there was so many dirty clothes in your rooms? And Rob please, could you use the basket? Picking up you stinky underwear from the floor isn't my dream job you know?", Mike came back now with a basket full of dirty laundry sighing heavily.

 

"Don't know about that though...", Rob joked.

 

"Arrrrgh, I'm going mental I swear. During the next album we are using you home, how about that!", he went stomping to the cellar. Yeah, they were using Mike's house as home base since it was closest to the studio and thus easiest to arrange them all in time there to finish the record by deadline. Joe was back at his home cause he was always on time. Sure he also loved that there was warm dinner waiting at home and not cold pizza or what ever the others decided to eat. And Dave was away for some days to help his friend. The rest lived at Mike's like pigs in a sty. Or at least it felt sometimes like it.

\----

 

"No no! You need to do it like this", Chester showed Mike how he wanted the song to start.

 

"You rap almost as well as Mike, you know", Brad laughed at Chester sarcastically.

 

"Well fuck you! It was about the rhythm", Chester laughed back and threw empty can of Coke at him.

 

"If Mike decides to retire you can take the job. And then we will take Dave as lead singer, right?", the guitarist continued. Now they were all laughing and joking back at Brad. Mike was glancing Chester and was happy that the singer seemed better now.

 

"Why is he staring at me like that?", Chester was thinking. "Smiling but still looking worried. Don't want them to think they need to pity me or something. That has to stop"

 

"Okay, that's enough, let's finish so we can wrap it up for to day", Joe was once again the brains of the bunch even that said laughing.

 

"And it is my turn today choose the movie!" Brad reminded them. It was Friday and instead of hitting he clubs they had tradition to have a movie night.

 

"Oh no... We all know how that will end up. You always choose some crazy shit and then Rob ends up watching the movie through his fingers", Mike laughed and shook his head.

 

"Not my fault he is a sissy", Brad shrug his shoulders pointing at Rob who was just recording.


	3. Chapter 3

"Omg Brad! Get your feet off the table!", Mike shouted bringing the popcorns. Many bowls so they didn't need to fight over one. They were all trying to be comfortable but Mike's couch didn't have room for all of them. Brad and Rob fought over the middle seat. Dave decided it was just best to sit on the floor. With fluffy pillow it was just perfectly comfortable. And he didn't need to sit next to Brad who was being annoying.

 

"Can we start already?, he asked munching the popcorn. Brad chose usually nice movies and he waited what the movie would be this time. Maybe payback for Brad making him watch Saw last time?

 

"Fine!", Rob shouted at Brad acting angry and sat beside him. He lost the battle and Brad was happy. Sticking his tongue out for Rob he deserved to get slapped by Mike. 

 

Mike sat beside Brad and Chester was already next to him in the corner watching them all with a smile in his face.

 

"Ready?", Mike asked and pressed play. He got a bowl of popcorn for him and Chester to share and leaned back.

 

"Harry Potter? Really?", Brad laughed.

 

"For fucks sake Brad, it isn't! Just the same actor. Shut up now", Rob threw a handful of popcorn at him getting them to land on his curls nicely.

 

"Guys!", Dave snarled and they smirked and stopped instantly.

 

Finally it was quiet except for the munching of popcorn. Mike adjusted his hoodie since it was little bit chilly but otherwise he was enjoying the time. Just what they needed after the long day in studio. Movie, beer and popcorn.

 

\-----

 

Movie was fine and even bit scary but Chester still couldn't concentrate. His head was aching and his brains overloaded with thoughts.

 

"Don't let him see me, don't let him see me, don't let him see me...", Chester thought when he was walking home from school and he noticed the guy lurking in a car. He just wanted to shrunk and be invisible. Hood over head should help a little but he was still very easy to recognize from the crowd. Wearing tight black ripped jeans, too big black hoodie over his skinny frame with some chains hanging from the pants, and bad posture.

 

"Chaz! Come here!", the man yelled.

 

Oh fuck, no escaping now. Chester walked towards the car drooping his head and feeling like paranoid looking over his back. He didn't want anyone to see him with the man.

 

"Hi sweetie. Come inside", the man commanded patting the seat next to him.

 

"I... I can't", he mumbled back.

 

"That wasn't a request. You can, and you will. Get in, now", the man had fire already building up in his eyes. Chester new no matter what he did it would only get worse. Or he would get payback later if he wouldn't obey now. Quickly checking that he wasn't seen he opened the car door and slipped in.

 

They drove long time before Chester spoke softly: "What's up?"

 

"Nothing much. Just haven't seen you in many days and missed you so badly", the man squeezed his thin thigh.

 

"I actually have lots of homework so I need you to drop me off", he mumbled hoarsely back.

 

"Don't be silly. Your homework can wait. We haven't seen in days. Besides you don't want me to spread the pictures, now do you?, the man said lips curling into a smile.

 

Oh god, not the pictures... Chester thought the man had destroyed them already. He said he would!

 

"Bu...but you said you would destroy them...", Chester looked out the window tears filling his eyes.

 

"Oh I could yes. But why would I destroy my advantage?", the man said evilly and parked the car same time.

 

"What are you waiting for?", he asked when Chester didn't even budge.

 

"Could... could you let me go this one time? Please? I promise I will behave next time", he asked eyes glistening form tears.

 

"I love when you beg but wrong time now. Get in", the man opened the door and grabbed him by his wrists directing towards the door.

 

"You look so yummy in those tight pants..." the man pressed him firmly against the wall when they got in. Chester swallowed and tried to look away.

 

"No no no... Look at me with those eyes", the man gripped him by his jaw. His eyes burned with lust and Chester didn't want to see it. Didn't want to think what he would have to deal with again or would the man just let him go after teasing a little. He never knew it before it happened. Sometimes the man just played with him kissing and talking softly. Next time he could be beaten so bad that he couldn't go to school few days after. And the other stuff he did...

 

"Let me just take that shirt off...", the man lifted the hem of Chester's hoodie making his stomach turn upside down. The man had rough and sweaty hands and they scratched his stomach. Soon Chester stood there bare chested feeling overwhelmed and numb. The man tossed the shirt on the floor and came closer. His dirty hair brushed Chester's shoulder and he smelled like spoiled milk. Then, smiling viciously he bit Chester hard on the shoulder.

 

\---

 

"Hey!", Mike squeezed him. "First you dazed off completely and didn't hear me and then you tensed and started to breathe heavily. Are you okay?". He tried to talk softly so that the others wouldn't hear. They were still concentrated in the movie though.

 

"I...", Chester hyperventilated squeezing hem of his shirt knuckles white.

 

"What's wrong?" Mike started to worry when his friend didn't snap back to normal.

 

Chester jumped up and ran up the stairs to bathroom without looking back. Legs wobbly he sat on the toilet seat trying to breathe normally. He didn't want the others too see. He felt weird and humiliated. It shouldn't have happened there. Why did it happen there? Why now? What is this?

 

"Chester", Mike came in and locked the door behind him.

 

"Go away", the singer whispered and looked away.

 

"Not when I see you like this", the younger man stepped slowly closer.

 

"Please. I don't...", Chester broke down in tears squeezing his eyes shut.

 

Mike hated to see the older man like this. He would never have thought he would feel such pain to see the other break down.

 

"Listen. No matter what it is you can tell me. And if you don't want to tell me I will still be here for you. But you need to focus on your breathing now", he reached the singer's hand to his own and held it carefully.

 

Chester looked up and saw his friend's big brown eyes filled with worry and care. He shouldn't have been there but he was now. Mike held his hand and just stared him straight into his soul.

 

"Better?", Mike asked after a while when the singer breathed normally and seemed calmer.

 

"I will ask again, though I know the answer already- do you want to tell me what was that?", he continued giving a tissue for Chester.

 

"I....", Chester lowered his gaze. "No..", he then answered.

 

"Promise you tell me when you are ready?", the emcee stared at him firmly.

 

Chester nodded but thought: "I will never be...".


	4. Chapter 4

"Guys! Where did you disappear?, Brad came knocking at the bathroom door.

 

"We're here, coming", Mike answered. "Are you fine to go back? Cause we can stay if you want", he continued to Chester.

 

"We can go. I think", the singer answered. He was feeling tired but better otherwise. So weird that the emcee came, stayed and even made him feel better.

 

Mike rose and walked at the door smiling at Chester.

 

"You both are there? Huh, what were you doing?", Brad stared at them eyes wide. "Oh... OH!", he blushed slightly and started to laugh pointing at the tissue on Chester's hand.

 

"Oh fuck you! You dirty pervert!", Mike punched Brad playfully and chased him downstairs. Chester laughed and followed them.

 

\---

 

"So tomorrow we should have the rehearsals, but otherwise nothing to do", Mike warmed a cup of hot chocolate for him and Chester. He loved his hot chocolate and felt like Chester could also need a hug in a cup. They had explained to others that Chester had a panic attack so that they would stop asking questions.

 

"I don't really mind staying here after that though. Got still the same book to read", Rob yawned feeling like he should be going to sleep. 

 

"Fine for me too", Brad answered brushing his teeth in the kitchen sink. Mike rolled his eyes but didn't bother to say anything. He really needed the place back to himself.

 

"You want the sleeping pill now?", Brad asked from Chester. They had talked earlier that Brad had sleeping pills and could let Chester have one if he would feel like it.

 

"Maybe I should..", Chester answered gladly. He still felt weird and on the edge. Tired but nervous. He had never used sleeping pills but thought that it would be good now.

 

Brad went to the medicine cabinet and gave Chester one. "You should get sleepy in an hour or so".

 

"Thanks", the singer nodded and sipped it with his hot chocolate. Mike made damn good hot chocolate. It needed only mint liquor to be perfect, he thought.

 

Mike stared at Chester. The singer seemed a lot calmer but still like there was weight on his shoulders and lots on his mind. "What the heck is going on? Was he thinking today about the nightmare earlier and panicked because of that? Or was it some other thing? He has to talk though. It isn't right that he has to go through it all alone. I would help. I want to help"

 

"Okay, I'm off to bed. Want to read also few chapters before the pill effects. It shouldn't knock me out totally though?, Chester asked from Brad while walking towards the stairway.

 

"No no, just make you sleepy. You can still function like if you need to get a glass of water or so", Brad explained.

 

"Good. Night guys!", he smiled and hopped upstairs.

 

"Hope it helps", Mike said to the guitarist.

 

"It should. He seemed better though, right?", he nodded back.

 

"Well... Yeah, kinda..", Mike muttered.

 

\-------

 

"Chazzy, I have your favourite sweets. Wanna come?", the man was following him again.

 

"I don't... I don't have money", he really wanted it but got only few dollars and that wasn't enough he was sure.

 

"Oh sugar... I think we can make some arrangements", the man smiled and lead him to his car.

 

Chester didn't even think about it further. He needed the pills and if the man had it.. Well how bad could it be? Most likely just a blow job. Wouldn't be the first for him either way. And if not, he could just leave empty handed.

 

The man had a small, pretty house just at the corner of the street. The garden looked terrible but the house itself looked like it had just been painted. It was this weird blueish shade of green. There was another car at the yard also but it didn't even have engine under the open hood. The front terrace had cigarette butts all over. They went inside and the man directed him further. 

 

"Beer?", he offered and Chester took it happily. The kitchen had only one chair next to the table so he sat on it.

 

"So what do you do on your free time?", the man asked sipping his own beer leaning to the fridge.

 

"Nothing much... I like to listen to music", Chester answered nervously. He didn't really know the man. They had met at a party and the man had told he knows his uncle. Then Chester started to notice weird shadow following him after school and disappearing when he turned around. Later he realized it had to be the same man. He had weird eyes that could be flaring with fire first and second later dark as the night with no emotion. Chester thought that he had never seen the man with different clothes. Always the gray long sleeved shirt that was really worn out and old light blue Levi's. As shoes the man wore blue sneakers that looked like they were made in early 80's.

 

"Nice. I like music too", the man said without a smile. "So. About the deal. It isn't really that much, I just want a blow job", he continued.

 

"Surprise, not", Chester thought. "Not really a big deal".

 

"Okay. And what do I get then?", he asked finishing the beer.

 

"This. But we can continue the deal too..", the man tossed small bag with three Special K's in front of Chester. He already felt the burning. They made him feel light and he could just disappear in his own world.

 

"That's a deal", Chester nodded.

 

"Great. That is yours then. Let's go to the bedroom though", the man had now the fire building in his eyes.

 

Chester followed him to the room putting the bag in his front pocket.

 

"Now... Let me see that body of yours", the older man ordered.

 

"I thought...", Chester blushed.

 

"No no, just the shirt off. That isn't bad, right?", he cupped Chester's face with his dirty hands.

 

"Oh.. I guess that's fine...", he slowly took the shirt off and tossed it next to him to the floor.

 

The man browsed him licking his lips and Chester blushed even more. No one has ever looked him like that.

 

"Nice. Now we'll get to the business", he started to unbuckle his belt and directed Chester on his knees in front of him. His dick was flaccid and smelled disgusting. Chester gulped and tried to close his nostrils so he wouldn't have to smell it. The K's burned in his pocket so he just decided that it had to be done. It tasted salty and sour same time but he just went on with it. It wouldn't last long anyway.

 

"That's right...." the man leaned back and held Chester on his curls.

 

Chester felt the man's cock getting harder and thicker and couldn't help but to shiver at the feeling.

 

"Deeper, sugar", the man pushed harder in his mouth. Chester had his eyes watering now. The man groaned and filled Chester's mouth even deeper with his cock. He gagged and tried to pull away but the man had his head pinned in place. Now he couldn't breathe and panicked. He punched the man in his leg so he would let him go.

 

"What the fuck?!", the man yelled backing away.

 

"I... couldn't breathe and...", Chester whispered lowering his head.

 

"Bullshit! You just didn't want to pay the sweets", his eyes were blazing now.

 

"I do! I just didn't think you would want it like that and I panicked and...", Chester burst.

 

"Yeah yeah yeah... Have heard all that before. Now you will pay other way. Get up", he commanded.

 

"No no! Please I will continue anyway you want!", Chester plead.

 

"Oh you sure will", the man grabbed him and threw on the bed face down. Chester tried to crawl away but the man sat already on top of him.

 

"Please please! Let me go! I will give the pills back!", he cried and fought back.

 

"Shut up! We will now do it in the hard way and when I am ready I will let you go. You understand me?", he held Chester's neck and bit his ear. Chester sobbed in return but didn't answer. He was now afraid and disgusted and just wanted to go home. Why why why... He shouldn't have accepted the offering in the first place. The man cuffed him on the bed frame quickly and stood up.

 

"This will hurt. And you can scream as much as you want, no one will hear you", he took his belt on the floor and started to beat the skinny figure on his bed.

 

\-----


	5. Chapter 5

"What....", Mike woke up to something. He definitely heard a voice but he was in his own room and there was no one there. He searched around the walls rubbing the sleep of his eyes trying to figure out where it came.

 

"Nooooooooooooo!". There it was again. Oh shit, it was coming from Chester's room, he quickly realized and kicked the covers aside and jumped of the bed. He ran to the room where Chester was sleeping and opened the door. The singer's body was rigid and he was clenching down on the sheets. He had his head tilted back and was screaming at the top of his lungs. Clearly asleep still.

 

"Hey hey hey!", Mike skipped next to the bed and held Chester's arms trying to wake him up. Chester's face was red from the screaming and his wife beater wet from the sweat. He opened his eyes wide with fear and Mike's heart dropped. He had never seen such expression. It was like an abyss of darkness.

 

"Let me go, noooo!", Chester fought back and hit Mike trying to get away.

 

"Chester! Stop it! You are safe!", Mike yelled back and tried to held Chester's arms in place. He was stronger than the skinny singer but he was in such panic that Mike had to use all his powers not the get hit.

 

"Mike... Wha...", Chester finally woke fully up and noticed he wasn't anymore at the man's house. "I.... I....", he broke down in tears.

 

"It was a nightmare again. You are safe now with me", Mike hushed and held the singer's head on his chest. The singer cried his eyes out and just couldn't stop. He trembled and started to hyperventilate.

 

"Hey, try to breathe please? Everything is fine, no one is going to hurt you here", Mike stroked his back and held tighter. What the heck was this? Why the man had started to see these obviously terrible nightmares suddenly? He felt so bad that he couldn't stop them.

 

"I'm co..cold", Chester whispered amongst the sobs.

 

"Ofcourse you are, cause you are wet from the sweat and tired. Wait just a second please?", Mike rose and walked on Chester's closet. He quickly picked up a t-shirt and walked back to the singer. The older man was now hugging his legs and hanging his head.

 

"Could you lift your arms so I can take the wet shirt off?, Mike spoke softly and caressed Chester's cheek. He obeyed slowly watching carefully what the younger man was doing. Mike tossed the wet shirt and helped Chester to get the dry one on. Then he sat back on the bed next to the singer. 

 

"Any better?", he asked. Chester just nodded cheeks still wet from the tears. He was a mess but didn't even realize it himself.

 

"I think you should sleep more though. It is only 3 AM and you look dead tired", the emcee pointed out. The singer looked terrible and Mike was really uncomfortable to leave him.

 

"I can't. I don't want to", Chester hiccuped and shook his head. "I don't want to be alone", he continued so quietly that Mike barely heard it.

 

"How about if I stay?", Mike asked after a while.

 

"You.. You would do that? But the floor is so cold and...", the singer sobbed again. He really didn't want to be left alone. He was so afraid but Mike shouldn't have to be babysit him either.

 

"I think we could both fit in your bed just fine", Mike smiled and wiped tear off of Chester's cheek.

 

"I... I guess we could...", he nodded back shyly.

 

"I'll sleep on the wall side. Come one, we need to get some sleep, Mike tried to assure the singer.

 

Chester sighed and nodded. He didn't want to bother the emcee but he was already here. Wouldn't really matter where they would be sleeping.

 

Mike adjusted himself at the side of the bed and let Chester take more space. The singer crawled beside him and tried to get comfortable. They lay silent moments before the singer spoke.

 

"Could... could you hold me? Please?", he whispered not daring to look at the younger man.

 

"Of course if you want me to", Mike answered. The singer came close to the other man and rested his head on Mike's chest. The emcee wrapped his arm around the other and pulled the covers on them. Chester closed his eyes tight and sighed. Now all he could hear was the heartbeat of the other man.

 

"I... I don't want to scare you away. But... what was the nightmare about?", Mike asked carefully and felt the singer tense up instantly.

 

"You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to. But, you can if you want", Mike continued quickly. He didn't want the other man to get upset but same time he knew that talking would help.

 

"Maybe... maybe some other day", Chester whispered and relaxed slowly again.

 

"Okay", Mike nodded. He closed his eyes and started drift into the dreamland.

 

"He... He used the buckle. He used the buckle when you normally use the leather side", Chester suddenly said holding his breath.

 

Mike's heart dropped again and he felt like all air disappeared from the room. He held his eyes tightly shut and sensed tears burning his eyelids. He didn't want to answer, just squeezed the singer tighter and wished he would never have to let him go.


	6. Chapter 6

Mike woke up to a weird feeling. Sun was shining on his face but he always kept the blinds shut cause the sun rose just from the side where his room was. Then he remembered last night and shed the remains of sleep from his eyes. They were wrapped to each other. Chester's head was on his chest still and he had his legs around him. He was rosy-cheeked from the sleep and his hair messy. Mike smiled. At least the singer had slept well the rest of the night.

 

"Hey...", he pulled himself little bit back so he could reach the other man's chin with his hand.

 

"Mmmmm, what...", Chester mumbled sleepily.

 

"We should get up", the emcee nudged the other man.

 

"I don't want to", Chester yawned and cling tighter to the younger man.

 

"You have to. Can't sleep forever. We have the rehearsals today remember? But seems like you are better?", Mike felt weird but still comfortable that his friend was helding him so tight. Or maybe that was why he felt weird?

 

"I am, now. Can we stay here?", the singer whispered. He felt warm, and safe. Mike rolled his eyes and smiled. Guess few minutes longer wouldn't matter.

 

"Chester have you seen Mik....", Brad swung the door open suddenly. 

 

"Whoa... WHOA WHOA!", he yelled with eyes open wide. Then he burst out laughing. "Oh my... I.. can't... Oh my god", he closed the door still laughing and left.

 

Chester stared Mike slightly blushing and then they both started to laugh. He was certainly awake now. He pushed himself up and of the bed and started to search his pants.

 

"I need coffee. Like, now", he mumbled.

 

"Yeah yeah yeah... I will go and make some", Mike snorted, got up and left the room to get some clothes. He had slept really well too but certainly needed also coffee. The clock was only 9 AM so they weren't in a hurry yet.

 

"So what was that about?, Brad grinned when they got to the kitchen.

 

"Well, Chester had a nightmare and I just couldn't leave him screaming like that", Mike shrugged and started to measure the coffee.

 

"Screaming? Again? You should leave the screaming to the stage and studio...", Brad snorted.

 

"And you do look like hell", Brad nodded at Chester slurping milk from his cereal bowl.

 

"Well thanks, and you look like an ass", Chester laughed. He sat down at the table knowing Mike would soon put something to eat in front of him.

 

Mike got the water in the machine and glanced at Chester. Even though he was smiling he looked terrible. Dark circles around his eyes and eyes glooming dark.

 

"But what was about the pills? I thought they were supposed to let him sleep better?", he asked from Brad, lifting food items from fridge in front of Chester. Orange juice, bagels of course, cream cheese, berries and fruits and some yoghurt.

 

"Oh... They are supposed to yes. Hmmm...", Brad walked at the medicine cabinet and searched for the bottle. "Well... It does say here: 'Possible side effects- vivid nightmares'. I guess it was a side effect then?", he shrugged.

 

"For fucks sake... BRAD!", Mike yelled and slammed his head on the table.

 

"Well how am I supposed to know that?!", Brad yelled back at him.

 

"Well you could have at least read the pamphlet!", Mike waved pointing at the bottle. Brad sneered and went sulking with his bowl of cereals to the living room. He just wanted to help but didn't realize that the nightmares would he possible with the pill too.

 

"People yelling at this hour?", Rob came to kitchen almost colliding with Brad. Chester shrugged and continued to eat his bagel.

 

"He had a nightmare last night. And seems like the sleeping pills WHICH WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE HIM SLEEP BETTER, caused it", Mike explained for Rob screaming at the middle for Brad.

 

"Oh... Well that is not good. Chester how about if you tell about the nightmare?", Rob said pouring some coffee for himself. Chester froze but didn't look at him. Then he just shook his head and continued with the eating.

 

"You sound like a therapist", Mike smirked and got also huge cup of coffee pouring it same time for Chester. Suddenly Chester went totally pale and ran upstairs.

 

"I didn't do anything!", Rob defended himself waiting for Mike to yell at him. Mike sighed heavily, put the coffee pan back and left to see what happened to the singer. Few hours of happy time and now he was again this worrying nervous mess. He just wished it would all be over and Chester would get back to his happy normal self. He walked upstairs and noticed the bathroom door was closed.

 

"Chaz?", he knocked at the door. No answer, but he heard quiet sob inside. As he opened the door he saw Chester sitting on the floor leaning against the tiles. He was hugging his legs and head hidden in his arms.

 

"What happened?", the emcee kneeled in front of the other man and stroked his head.

 

"I just threw up. No big deal", the singer whispered.

 

"Well it usually isn't but you are not yourself now either", Mike mumbled. He really hated to see the other man like this.

 

"I'll come back down in a few, just need a second", Chester continued.

 

"Yes, with me. I am not leaving. No matter how long it takes", the emcee answered. Chester lifted his head frowning but quickly saw that the other man meant it and fighting over it wouldn't help. Mike rose and wet a towel with cold water and cleaned the still frowning singer's face.

 

"And now when we are here I want you to talk to me. Something, anything. I know you don't want to but really, have you seen yourself? You are like a ghost with this terrible weight on your shoulders", he said and trying to soften his words he stroked Chester's cheek. "Please. You know you should talk. It will make the burden lighter when you share it", he yet again didn't want to upset the other man but felt like he really should push a little further.

 

"So yesterday you talked about the buckle. I assume you were meaning a belt. Someone was hitting you with it? But why?", he carefully continued looking straight to the singer's eyes. Chester inhaled heavily and leaned his head to the tiles closing his eyes.

 

"I.... I have lots of scars. Mostly under my tattoos so people don't even know they are there. I once knew this man that took advantage of me cause I was such pathetic looser. It all started from drugs. He somehow knew what I liked and had them. He....he made me do things so I could get a dose", he paused feeling tears burning his cheeks now.

 

"Later I think he didn't have any money left or just felt like it would be better idea to blackmail me. With pictures. He had pictures and said he would show them to everyone. Like my family, other students in my school. Like I wasn't bullied enough already! I couldn't have it so I obeyed him.", he didn't dare to look at Mike who was staring at him silently, not even flinching. He was sure that the other man would hate him after this and maybe even kick out of the band.

 

"It was first little things. Teasing in his car or few hours at his place. But later he kept me over nights and then days. He could have been normally civil at first, joking about something irrelevant and seconds later screaming at me how pathetic, ugly, useless fag I was, beating me with something", he continued now whispering.

 

"After some occasions I hurt so much that I couldn't move. My parents really didn't care when I just called that I was at a friends. When I couldn't go to school after few times they didn't even know it cause I was so decent otherwise. And when my parents asked why I had broken nose or split lip I explained something about stumbling on stairs or play fight that got too hard. He had had some first aid classes I'm sure cause he did pretty decent job patching me up. He... he even stitched me few times", Chester shivered to the memory. He fell silent and continued to stare at his hands.

 

Mike didn't know what to do or say. He knew it would have been something bad but didn't expect this. He felt totally numb. How long had the singer kept this all for himself. All cause of fearing the man would hear and come back? Humiliated? Scared that his friends would leave him? He sighed heavily and took the other man in his hug squeezing him hard.

 

"Mike", Chester spoke then. "I... I hope you don't hate me now", he continued tears rolling down his face onto Mike's shirt.

 

"Why on earth would I? Cause someone was mean to you? I hate THAT person, not you!", Mike didn't want to believe his ears even though he had guessed the reason right. Chester really was fearing his friends would leave him. They stayed there in a weird lump crying silently for what felt like ages.

 

"Could.... Could I ask you a question?", the emcee spoke then.

 

"I guess... If you want", Chester shrugged fearing what would come next. He had told a lot, but not all directly.

 

"So you said that he 'made you do things'. What were they?", the younger man asked still squeezing the other man in his arms. And there was it. The exact question Chester didn't want to answer. Why why why had he started talking even in the first place!

 

"I don't... I...", the singer started to tremble.

 

"Please? I do want to help but I need to know everything before it is possible", Mike tried to convince him.

 

Chester inhaled and held his breath. "He.... made me suck him. And he fucked me. I didn't want it but I needed the drugs", he spilled out.

 

"I know you don't want to, but you can say the word", Mike felt like he had a elephant sitting on his chest.

 

"What? Rape? But it wasn't. It was a deal", the singer shook his head.

 

"Yes, Chester. That is rape. You didn't give your consent. And you were a minor too, right?", Mike whispered.

 

"Yes but...", Chester started but Mike hushed him silent.

 

"Still. And the pictures? He took pictures when he did these things to you, I assume?", the emcee stroked Chester's cheek.

 

"Yeah...", Chester started to cry again. He felt like he had just turned his insides out and sat there bare and vulnerable.

 

"You know... It might feel now terrible but I'm pretty sure talking will help", Mike wiped the other man's tears.

 

"But... How about now? After this. Will you tell the others and then you laugh together and kick me out from your lives and the band?, Chester weeped.

 

"Chester no! Why on earth would we do something like that?!, Mike shook the other man trying to get eye contact.

 

"But....", Chester started again.

 

"No no no no. We won't leave you cause some idiot abused you. Never. You hear me?", Mike smiled and cupped the singer's cheek.

 

Chester nodded slightly and sighed. He was relieved and started to believe that their friendship wouldn't be destroyed because of this.

 

"So now what we are going to do... I think you need some time with your friends not thinking about the duties, right? I'm canceling the rehearsals. We can do it next week. Then I am sending Rob to do some grocery shopping. You need some of your favorite food today. Then... If you want you can tell the others. And no but's! They need to know. If you feel like you are not ready for it I can do it. They don't need to know everything", Mike explained holding Chester's hand.

 

Chester smiled little and nodded. He didn't really want to even talk further. It was best that Mike did it all.

 

"But... My only concern is Rob and the grocery shopping. He will just get back with bag of chips and ice cream", he smirked and Mike burst into laugh.


	7. Chapter 7

"Guys. I have something to tell to you", Mike started when he got all to gather in the living room. He saw Chester trying to shrink as small as possible and he shook his head giving him a small smile to calm the singer down

 

"You have seen that Chester isn't really feeling well. I have decided that we will cancel the rehearsals today. We can do it next week. Instead we will have nice meal at home and some free time for us all. After that you are all of course free to do what ever you want. I think... that would do good for Chester, he smiled to the singer who wasn't loving all this weird attention.

 

"And that being said I would like Rob you to go to do grocery shopping. I will give you a list", he pointed at Rob who nodded and seemed oddly going to obey without backtalk.

 

Chester saw that Brad and Dave were staring at him but he tried to ignore them. Mike explained to Rob the list he had written about groceries and sent the drummer off. Then he grabbed his phone and called the studio and Joe, who was just happy that he got more free time. Chester was watching this all with an awe. The emcee did it all like a machine and still seemed so empathic.

 

"You good?, he came to Chester when he was finished with the call. Chester sighed and nodded. He kinda was but then at the same time wasn't. They would still have to tell the others and though he knew it would be the best he didn't want to. 

 

"I know", Mike whispered like he was reading his mind. "Do you want something?", he continued.

 

"I don't think so, but thanks", Chester smiled slightly back at the emcee.

 

"So you wanna tell me what is it all about?", Brad came closer.

 

"I think we will tell when we all are here. Would be best that way so I don't need to explain it all again", Mike spoke.

 

"You? I thought this was cause of Chaz?", Brad was now confused.

 

"Oh it is. But, I think it would be better if I tell it all", the emcee explained looking at Chester to get approval.

 

Chester nodded. He just didn't feel like talking. Like at all. No irrelevant small talk or the story of his life. Both seemed repulsive to him now.

 

Brad nodded too and patted Chester's shoulder before leaving the room.

 

Mike went to make some more coffee and let his mind drift to the previous. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. No wonder the other man was such a mess! But still there were few questions floating. Why now? Why Chester started to have the nightmares and flashbacks now? And why he hadn't told before? He also wondered since Chester didn't tell them he probably didn't tell anyone else either. Which means there is a dangerous crazy person running around probably continuing the same shit with other teenaged boys. And the most important question- what now after this? Could they continue normally or would it effect to touring. He didn't even mind if he would have to cancel everything if only the singer would be fine. They could make the record ready and just take year off. Or do only US tour. 

 

He glanced at the singer who was staring out from the windows also absorbed in his own thought. He felt sadness squeezing his chest. He would give anything to get the old Chester back and wipe away the past. Or even just to make him fell good again.

 

Rob was quick with his trip and came back sooner than Mike estimated.

 

"Ummmmmmm....", Brad stared at the groceries.

 

"What?", Mike and Rob asked at the same time.

 

"Well... I think Rob bought smart stuff", Brad pointed at the products.

 

"That was kinda the idea?", Rob scratched his head not getting what Brad meant.

 

Mike snorted and Chester started to laugh. Mike had decided to make his famous burgers. Well, famous in a way that the other members of the band always asked him to make them when he was in a "duty" to cook. Which was pretty often now when they lived at Mike's. And Chester was one of them. He had always loved Mike's cookings, especially the burgers. The emcee wanted the singer to have a special treat today so burgers it was.

\---

 

"Damn good burgers, again!", Brad pounded the table to intensify his words and wiped his mouth same time.

 

"Well thank you", Mike smiled approving the statement. He glanced to see what the singer was doing and was surprised to see he had eaten almost all of his burger.

 

"So. Here is the hard part. Something happened to Chester when he was teenager. And without any further polishing I will just tell how it is", Mike cleared his throat feeling like it would be just best to drop the bomb. He saw that Chester froze and went totally pale but it didn't stop him from continuing.

 

"Chester was abused. You don't really even need to know the details but it was nasty and violent. An older man who should have been smarter took advantage of him and cause of that he has had nightmares", Mike took the singer's hand and held it tightly.

 

"He was raped and beaten and no matter what he would have done otherwise it would have happened still", he new he had to talk it through to Chester too. That the singer didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't his fault. 

 

Chester had a sparkling tear on his cheek and held his head low. He felt humiliated.

 

The others stared at them speechless. They didn't want to move so that they wouldn't have to break the silence.

 

"Now I understand the nightmares", Rob whispered. "They were memories, right?"

 

Chester nodded. He needed fresh air. The air in the room felt thick and heavy. Mike noticed his gasp and rubbed his back slowly.

 

"It was a man? So are you...?", Brad was the one asking next question. Chester didn't want to talk. It was like he was being choked.

 

"No. I... I don't know", he croaked. They all fell silent again. Minutes passed that felt like hours.

 

"What do you want to do next?", Dave started then. "Like.. We have the record that should be finished. Tour next. Do you feel like you can do it? Cause what ever you decide we support you 100 percent".

 

Chester felt tears burning his cheeks again. He had wished they wouldn't kick him out but didn't think it would be such an instant reaction for them to support him.

 

"I don't know. I think I can do it, but I need some help", he spoke softly more than he had spoken in long time.

 

"We are here. Whatever you need", Mike whispered to the singer more like speaking about himself.

 

"I could... I could give you my therapist's number", Rob spoke carefully like trying would the ice hold up.

 

"You have a therapist?", Brad stared at the drummer eyes wide.

 

"How the hell you think I would have tolerated you otherwise?, Rob rolled his eyes receiving a playful punch from the other man.

 

Mike looked Chester like saying "I told you so" and the singer was relieved that they had taken it so easy. Of course there was still Joe but that was easier after the others.

 

"Shinnizzle, could we have some dessert?", Rob interrupted them eyes glowing like a child's.

 

"Sorry, we don't have any", Mike pouted his lip.

 

"But I bought some!", Rob clapped his hands excited.

 

"Huh? When?", the emcee was confused.

 

"Today! I put it in the freezer before you saw it", Rob grinned. Mike rolled his eyes and couldn't help but to laugh. Chester had been partially right then.

 

\---- 

 

It was already way past midnight when Mike was reading in his bed. Well at least he tried. His eyes traveled through the words but his mind didn't catch them. He was worried. Chester seemed relieved that the others knew now but he would still have to deal with the issues. The past wouldn't let him be so easily. Suddenly there was a know on the door.

 

"Yeah?", Mike asked placing the book down and the door opened slightly.

 

"Could I come in?", Chester peeked at the crack of the door.

 

"Of course", Mike sat up. "What now?", he thought.

 

"I... I can't sleep", the singer scratched his head.

 

"Oh... I guess it had been hard day for you", Mike spoke. They went silent and just both stared at walls, their hands. Just trying to focus to something else.

 

"Umm... I guess you don't want to talk about it?", the emcee then asked. Chester shook his head. He just wanted to forget it all but it wouldn't happen anytime soon.

 

"You gotta sleep though", Mike whispered. "What if you sleep here? Like the other day? You slept well then, right?", he continued.

 

"I did yes", the singer nodded.

 

"So what are you waiting for?", the emcee smiled and moved to make space for the other man. Chester returned the smile and placed himself on the bed next to the emcee.

 

"Your bed is smaller than mine", he noticed trying to fit in it.

 

"Cause you sleep in my room", Mike snorted.

 

"Huh?", Chester stared at the emcee.

 

"Remember the first day you guys came here. You went to the room and said it was nice and you would want to sleep in it", the other man explained.

 

"Well you could have said something!", the singer laughed and smacked Mike playfully. Soon they were both laughing and punching each other. Until Mike got coughing fit and they had to stop. They fell silent and serious remembering why there were there.

 

"Chester. I don't.... I don't want you to be hurt. I wish I could take all your suffering so you could be pain free", the emcee whispered staring straight into Chester's soul. Or at least that it felt like for him. 

 

"I wish if you feel like you will get lost in the memories you would tell me. So I could try to help", he placed his hand on the singers ribs just under the armpit firmly trying to strengthen his message. The other man was now tearing up. He felt this nice warm fuzzy feeling inside of him. But same time he was unsure. He still didn't want the others to think he was weak.

 

"I mean it. I really do", he rubbed Chester's ribs with his palm. Then he felt something strange. The wife beater of the singer had been cut fairly low around the armpits and revealed lots of skin. Mike felt fine bumps and looked under his hand. There were countless amount of small white lines, most just half inch long. Chester was tense and held his breath.

 

"What are these?", the emcee asked carefully. The other man was breathing heavily.

 

"He.... cut me every time he had... done it", he spoke so quietly that Mike barely heard it. And Mike thought he had already heard it all.


	8. Chapter 8

It was a second time Chester woke up with Mike. He had wrapped his leg around Mike's waist, almost pinning him down to his place. His other arm was over Mike's chest and head leaning on his neck. He couldn't help but to smile. He was so comfortable and felt light. The other man smelled like sunshine and warm pancakes and was still sleeping hair messy with brown strands fallen on his forehead. Chester felt enormous gratitude that the emcee had let him in his bed and didn't even second guess it. He hadn't slept that good in ages. The other man was so affectionate that it made Chester wonder what could have he done in his life to deserve this. He squeezed the emcee just bit too hard and let out a little husky groan. 

 

Mike woke up to that squeeze, but thought that the singer was still asleep. He yawned and stayed silent to view the situation. The other man was tangled around him, his warm silky soft cheek on his neck. The other leg was around his waist holding him tight against the mattress. Mike rolled his eyes smiling. Apparently they had both slept really well again. He hugged the singer and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. And froze. "What the fuck Mike!? You can't do that!", a voice was screaming in his head. But he just couldn't help the flips in his stomach.

 

Chester froze too. Well, he hadn't moved in a while but now he certainly wasn't going to. Was that a kiss? The emcee kissed him? On the forehead, but still. This was unrealistic. Maybe he was still sleeping? Mike coughed and Chester shoved all his feelings back were they belong to. He certainly was awake though.

 

"Good morning", he raised his head to look at the emcee. His eyes were like a black forest pond. Murky but with a glimpse of sparkle. So beautiful and deep that he could be lost forever in them. "Chester what the fuck!", his mind was yelling.

 

"Hi. Did you sleep well?, Mike had slight blush on his cheeks but that could have been just the cozy warmth of the bed. He saw the singer studying him and wondered what he was thinking. Maybe he felt the kiss?

 

"I certainly did. Better than in months", the singer spoke smiling softly.

 

"What do you want to do today?", the emcee continued yawning some more.

 

"I don't know. Maybe... Maybe I could call the therapist", Chester's eyes darkened when he remembered what had lead him there.

 

"Take your time. You can do it tomorrow too if you don't feel like it today", the younger man stroked slightly his cheek. Chester had now a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

 

"Yes.. But I think it is better to do know. Sooner the better. Maybe the therapist can help how to stop the nightmares?", he explained fingering with the hem of the emcee's shirt.

 

"Right... Well, should we get some coffee first? I know you like your coffee", Mike got up from the bed and stretched walking towards the door.

 

"Yes, I like my coffee. Tall, dark and hot like...", Chester yawned too and paused suddenly eyes wide and blushing. Mike had certainly heard that cause he had stopped moving.

 

"That was... A joke. Mike that was a joke. Go on, move! You don't want him to think you think it was more than it was", again the annoying voice was screaming in his head. He inhaled sharply and walked slowly out the door.

 

\----

 

"I couldn't find the business card but I will dig out the website for the therapist so you can get the number", Rob munched down his cereals pointing at the iMac that stood in the corner of the living room. The singer nodded drinking his second cup of coffee. Mike did make a damn good coffee. Well what Mike didn't make well, he thought.

 

"Casual Friday, huh?, Rob grinned at Brad who came into the kitchen only in his boxers. Cute red and black striped ones to be exact.

 

"Fuck off", Brad laughed sticking his tongue out on the drummer who was searching through web now.

 

"Here! She is great. And I believe since she has moved on the area just few months ago she doesn't have a long queue", Rob smiled turning so Chester could look at the screen.

 

"Oh! I see why you have a therapist! It is a woman!", Brad teased looking at picture on the website. The woman had kinda a secretary look. She had brown shoulder length soft curls, sharp edged glasses that didn't hide her huge green eyes and pretty eye makeup. Her features were soft except her jaw was sharp. And more importantly, Brad noticed, she had big boobs hidden under fully buttoned shirt.

 

Rob rolled his eyes and punched the other man on the ribs. Chester shook his head grinning and leaned closer to take the number down.

 

"Well I'm off to call her in the other room since you two can't behave", he laughed jumping over the two man now wrestling on the floor yelling obscenities at each other.

 

Mike stared at the two on his floor and sighed. "Oh lord. I will have to deal with those two for months and months. Well, if only everything goes fine and Chester is okay to tour", he was thinking sipping his coffee.

 

It didn't take long for Chester to finish the call and he had a hope in his face when he came back. "She said that she hasn't any appointments for today, so I could go if I wanted. I thought it would be good idea so I don't back down. Which means I have to go in few hours", he explained.

 

"It isn't that far from here, maybe Mike could drop you there?", the drummer who had stopped wrestling with his friend said and wrote down the address from the computer screen. Mike nodded and took the paper from the other man. 

 

Chester smiled to him shyly. He had this bundle of nerves in his stomach. Worried what the therapist would say. Maybe it was all just temporary thing? Maybe he just needed to talk about it more. It sure had helped a little bit earlier. Well, not exactly speaking about it but that he didn't have to hide it anymore. Relieved that the others knew even though it was humiliating. He just didn't want to dig deeper. He knew there were still memories buried so deep that he had forgotten them.

 

\-----

 

Mik decided that he would go do the grocery shopping when Chester was at the therapist. The guys ate so much that he had always fridge almost empty.

 

"Are you sure you don't want me with you?", Mike parked at the front of the therapist's office. The office seemed really nice outside. Professional but also distinctive.

 

"She said that it is better if I come alone. Actually she told me not to bring anyone. So that I could speak more freely without thinking what would the other say", the singer shook his head.

 

"Okay. Well, I'll be back after hour or so and will be waiting here", the younger man nodded smiling softly. Chester got up from the car and walked into the office.

 

Mike looked Chester's walk sadness filling his eyes. Oh how he wished that the therapist would help and the singer would get better. He headed to the market close by and shook the thoughts from his head.

 

\----

 

The hour had passed quickly and Mike had parked the car to the familiar place. The appointment would last hour and fifteen minutes so Chester would be back after few minutes. He was nervous but also happy that the therapist had been willing to meet the singer so soon. And there he was, Mike thought when he saw the singer open the front door of the office. And his heart dropped. The singer as pale as a white sheet and eyes red. He had been obviously crying. Mike reached to open the door and waited. The singer got in, buckled his seatbelt and stared in front of him eyes empty. Mike looked at the older man eyes wide. "What the hell had happened? I thought therapists were supposed to help?".

 

"What happened?", Mike whispered and lowered his hand to squeeze Chester's thigh.

 

"Don't", the singer turned his gaze growling to the other man eyes filled with pure hatred. Mike froze and gulped audibly. He turned his head to face the windshield and started the car. They drove back to the house in silence. Back there they both got up the car quickly. Mike felt like he was someone else. He didn't know what had happened in that one hour. Maybe he didn't even want to know if it was that bad. The whole situation was awkward and he didn't know how to act. They got in and Dave and Rob were in the living room, and Brad in kitchen making a sandwich.

 

"You're back! How was it?", Rob asked smiling. Mike looked at him shaking his head slowly trying to tell that there was something wrong.

 

"Do you want to talk about it?", he didn't get the hint and Mike dropped his gaze sighing.

 

"I'm done talking", Chester answered walking up the stairs. They all stood there staring at each other trying to find an answer to the change of behaviour.

 

\-----


	9. Chapter 9

"What. the. fuck. just. happened.", Dave pointed at the direction Chester went incredulously. "I thought that therapists were supposed to help to get people better, not worse!", he shouted.

 

"Well that is exactly what I thought", Mike murmured.

 

"Will you go and talk to him?", Rob asked.

 

"He said he is done talking. So... I think he would need at least a bit time before that. And he still might not want to listen. Or tell what happened", Mike shook his head. They all felt defeated. And seemed that the Mother Nature was agreeing since it started to rain heavily at same time.

 

Brad sighed and walked back to the tv and was followed by Rob soon.

 

"He really didn't tell at all what happened?", Dave asked from the emcee when they were left alone.

 

"No. He didn't say a single word. Oh, well he did. I touched him and he yelled me to stop it. He looked like he would punch me next so I certainly obeyed", Mike answered feeling utterly confused. One hour and fifteen minutes. One freaking hour and the singer went from this sad perplexed person to this weird angry one. How the hell would they fix this now?

 

"Mike! I had gotten an email from the therapist!", Rob yelled holding out his phone for Mike to read the message.

 

"Mr. Bourdon. I had an patient today and he revealed that he had gotten my name from you. And that is the reason I am now reaching out to you. The things ended pretty badly with the patient and I can assume he isn't coming back. You know that I can't talk about the appointment further or what exactly happened but I need to tell you that he should come back. He has lots of unfinished issues and like that he is just going to drown on them. And that is also why you shouldn't wonder if he acts differently".

 

"Oh for fuck's sake! I knew it! She just dug too deep and now we have to deal with the consequences", Mike slapped his head. Now he felt angry and frustrated on top of being still confused.

 

"You know, this could still be just a phase. He might not want to go back but he could get over that on his own", Brad reasoned.

 

"Could be... I don't know. I am not even worried about the record or the tour anymore. He can't get worse than that, he can't. I won't let him", the emcee bit his lip shaking his head.

 

They all sat down in front of the tv. All buried in their thoughts thinking things differently.

 

"And we need to call Joe. No rehearsals apparently tomorrow either and he needs to know it all too", Dave picked his cuticles.

 

Mike sighed. He knew he would have to go and talk to the singer but he was afraid of the response. He stared at the clocking thinking: "half an hour more, ten minutes, maybe few minutes more".

 

"I will go and try to talk to him", he finally decided now or never. The others nodded silently.

 

He walked quickly the stairs to the second floor and headed towards his room that was now Chester's.

 

"Hey, can I come in?", he knocked on the door. No answer. Nothing. He didn't hear anything but he was sure that the singer was there. He decided to knock again but noticed that the door wasn't locked. Inhaling sharply he grabbed the handle and opened the door. The room was dark but he could see that it wasn't like it was supposed to be. Everything was a mess. How the hell they hadn't heard it? Clothes were tossed all over the room, the small table was flipped over one leg broken. Chair was on the other side of the room. Then he saw the singer. He was in fetal position next to the bed. He walked slowly over him and turned on the lamp on the bedside table. The singer was visibly trembling but didn't move otherwise.

 

"Chazz...", he crouched next to him and slowly raised his hand to touch the bare shoulder of the singer. Chester flinched growling. Like an animal. He really was growling like an animal. Mike gulped but didn't back off. He had to do this. What ever it was, it was scaring and hurting the singer more than he could ever hurt him.

 

"Go away", the singer whispered hoarsely raising his gaze. His eyes were pitch black flaming with anger.

 

"No. You might not think you need me. Us. But you do", Mike stood his ground and squeezed Chester's shoulder. The older man shoved his hand away violently and tried to back up further away from him.

 

"If you don't want to talk it is fine. I can't make you. But you will listen", he blurted. "I don't care about the record. I don't care about the tour. I don't even care if the band breaks up. But you... You I do care. We need to get you better. What ever it takes", he continued.

 

But Chester didn't want to hear it. Not now. He jumped up and spurted towards the door before Mike had chance to stop him. He had to get away. He couldn't escape his thoughts but maybe he could escape the other man. 

 

Mike stared after him before he realized the singer was just running away from him. He followed him and found out that he had went to the bathroom.

 

"Stop running. That won't help anything", the emcee closed the door behind him. In the bright bathroom light the singer looked even worse than earlier that day. The dark circles around his eyes were darker and his eyes sunken. His wife beater was ripped revealing his taut stomach and he was barefoot. He was punching his fist to the tiles repeatedly.

 

"The others are worried too. You know... There isn't thing bad enough for us to hate you. I know you way too well to know what all goes in you mind right now. STOP IT!", Mike spoke noticing then that the singer had his knuckles already bleeding. 

 

But he didn't stop. He didn't want to listen. The pain was the only thing that helped him to blur his thoughts and the words the emcee spoke.

 

Mike watched baffled for a while and then he just couldn't take it anymore. He took Chester's hand in his own and shoved him back against the wall.

 

"You are hurting yourself! Stop it!", he yelled to the other.

 

Chester felt like he had a whirlwind inside his head. Other voice was yelling other thing and then there was this annoying, louder voice that wanted the opposite. And now Mike was yelling at him too. He had thought it over and over again and whatever he decided to do in his mind it all felt like going downhill after that. So now he was there staring at his bandmate who maybe first time ever was really angry based on the look in his face and the grip that was really hard. He just couldn't take it. He didn't know who he was anymore and what he was supposed to do with all this inside his head.

 

Mike stared at the singer who didn't even flinch. His eyes flamed still but he didn't look that angry anymore. Desperate, hurt and miserable yes.

 

"But you don't. And you don't want to", the singer whispered suddenly eyes filling up with tears. He would never understand. Never.

 

"I don't what?", he gasped not understanding what the older man meant.

 

"You said you know what goes in my mind right now. You don't", the singer had the anger back now in his eyes. He leaned closer to Mike almost spitting his words on him twisting his hand free and pushing him back away from him startling Mike. And before the emcee could even answer he was out of the door. He stared after the singer again so damn confused.

 

"Mike?!", he heard then Rob yell downstairs. He ran the stairs to meet also confused looks of the other bandmates.

 

"Chester left", the drummer explained scratching his head.

 

"Left? Where?", Mike asked eyes wide.

 

"How would we know?! Outside, out of the house!", Rob waved his hands.

 

"But it is freezing! And the rain has gotten worse, it is pouring now!", Mike got frightened. The singer shouldn't have gone out in that state. Not to that weather.

 

"I... I have to go to search him. He shouldn't have gotten far", Mike started to get a coat on the others still staring at him in silence. Then he noticed. The singer hadn't put even any shoes on. He was still barefooted.

 

And it was all his fault. He had pushed too far. "Chester wasn't ready. He didn't want to talk or listen and now he will get pneumonia or get hit by a cat or attacked by some lunatic or.. Oh my god, I have to go, I have to go...", he searched for flashlight tears burning in his eyes. It was all his fault and he couldn't take it if something would happen to the singer.

 

"Where the fuck are my keys!", he shrieked in panic tossing stuff out of his way.

 

"Mike! Go! We are here, you don't need them!", Dave pushed him outside the door.

 

It was really pouring. And dark. And he had no idea where to even start the search.


	10. Chapter 10

Where the heck should I go first?, Mike thought getting the hood deeper on his head. The wind made the rain even worse and it was really cold. He shivered and looked around him. There was small park further down the road but so there was another one in the opposite direction too. If Chester was just mad at him, wanting to cool off he would maybe head to a park. Maybe. He sighed and lifted his head stubbornly. First the one that was closer, then the other. After that he would fetch a car and try from bigger area. This was so freaking messed up! All because of one idiot who couldn't keep his hands off minors and another idiot who didn't listen when he was told to back off.

 

He walked down the street checking around every corner with his flashlight. It was really dark and there was nobody outside. People were smart enough to stay inside in this weather. He gulped and felt his eyes tear up again. I lead him to this. I didn't leave him be. I even drove him to the appointment. If I don't find him alive and well I will never ever forgive myself, he thought. The walk seemed to take for ever and he started to run. He didn't want to waste any more time. The park was already visible and he picked up the pace. Once there he scanned the park with his flashlight and let a long sigh. He isn't here. Have to check the other park, he thought. But then he saw it. Just behind a small hill there was a hunched person that could have been easily mistaken by a rock or something. But not for him when he knew what to look for. He jogged closer to see was it Chester or another castaway person. It was. He couldn't mistake that thin frame to any other person. His heart jolted with joy. At least he had found him.

 

"Chester!", he walked in front of the man crouching down. The singer had his eyes set on something in the distance. He was now soaking wet with water dripping from his lashes. Or were they tears? He looked so fragile and pale in the bare light that came from Mike's flashlight.

 

"You will catch a cold here. Or something more worse. We need to get back. Please?", the emcee pleaded. The other man didn't budge. He didn't even turn his gaze to look at the emcee. He has to see me though, I am right here?,Mike thought.

 

"I am sorry for that I pushed so hard. I just want to help. I... want to make you happy again. I want to see you smile", he got closer and touched carefully Chester's shoulder. He was shivering and breathing heavily and Mike was getting more and more worried. He felt like he was talking to himself when he didn't get an reaction.

 

"Please? Say something?", Mike whispered.

 

"I... want to keep my emotions in boxes. Some locked and the key thrown away. She.... found the key. And now... I.... can't control them. They fill my mind and...", he suddenly whispered, obviously talking about the therapist digging too deep.

 

[i]"He shouldn't have come. I don't deserve him. He should just leave me here",[/i] Chester was thinking in his head but again the other voice was trying to take the control.

 

"But that is the idea of therapy. To learn to control them", Mike cupped his cheek.

 

"But I don't want them! They mess up everything. I want them to go away!", the singer was now hyperventilating pain visible in his eyes.

 

"Hey hey! What ever it is we can get through it. I promise I will help", the emcee got the singer in his tight embrace. Chester was shaking violently and Mike new he had to get him back inside to get him warm. Without asking permission he lifted the fragile man to his lap and started to carry him back to his house. He is so frail, Mike felt his heart shatter again. The singer sobbed against his chest and he had to force himself to concentrate on the walking and not to cry too. What the heck is up with me?, he thought. The walk up to the house felt way shorter than the other way. Cause now Mike had this precious delivery that he was looking for in the first place.

 

"Guys!", he kicked at the door not able to reach the doorbell. Dave quickly came to open the door.

 

"Oh my god! You found him!", Brad shouted behind Dave pulling him out of the way.

 

"Yes and he is a wreck", the emcee murmured getting in.

 

"You are both soaking wet. And his lips are already blue!", Dave fussed around them.

 

"Yes yes yes. I need to get him to hot shower and then dry quickly", Mike continued ignoring the others. 

 

I need to get him warm now,nhe thought. He walked upstairs straight to the bathroom leaving the others behind. Then he lifted the singer into the bathtub and sighed.

 

"I'm sorry I have to do this. Can you... stand up for a second?", he cleared his throat hoping that the singer wouldn't kill him later. Chester stood still shivering and gazing down. Quickly, without analyzing the situation further the emcee stripped the other man naked tossing his wet clothes in the floor together with his own jacket and shoes and turned on the shower. Then he stepped inside the tub and slowly turned the temperature warmer trying not to burn them. He didn't mind his clothes, they were wet already anyway. The singer was biting his lip and weeping silently when Mike let the warm water run on him. Mike studied his face trying to figure out what was going on. Now he certainly looked more just humiliated by the situation.

 

Chester felt his legs give way and he clang on the emcee. Couldn't be worse than this, right?, he thought. Naked and cold in the shower with your best-friend who is worried but shouldn't be and then you can't even stand by yourself. How pathetic is that?

 

Mike closed his eyes. It was like there was someone squeezing his intestines. How he wanted the other to be better. He hoped that the water would wash away all the pain. He held the singer closer and wetted his back turning the temperature hotter. Rubbing his back Mike tried to get his circulation going. The shivering had ended but Chester was still too cold.

 

Chester gasped. He was getting warmer and felt so comfortable. But he shouldn't. He felt like sinking.

 

"Are you ready? We need to get you dry next", Mike whispered after a while leaning back to see Chester's face. His lips were quivering but they were back to their pretty luscious pink color. The other man nodded lowering his gaze. Mike grabbed a big fluffy towel and wrapped the other man on it. Then he got out from the tub and leaned in to help the singer. He was wobbly but managed to walk to the toilet seat.

 

"Can you sit there for a second?", Mike searched for eye contact but didn't get it. He stepped back and watched carefully that the singer didn't fall and then quickly also stripped down tossing his clothes to the same pile. They could wait for tomorrow. Then he grabbed another towel for himself drying a bit his hair and arms and then wrapping it around his waist. Mike stared a second the other. Chester looked fallen in his own thoughts. So helpless and lost that it hurt Mike physically. Eyes gloomy sparkling from the tears. And then there was this weird tension Mike just couldn't put his finger on.

 

"Stand up please?", Mike whispered. Chester obeyed slowly. The emcee then started to pat the other man dry with the towel. The singer looked away biting his lip again. Tears were falling slowly from his eyes. How could he ever push his friend away?

 

"Hey...", the younger man wiped his tears away smiling softly. Then he wrapped him again in the towel making sure he was fully covered and scooped his up to his lap. Pushing the door open with his back he walked out and to the bedroom. Now on his own, since the other room would most likely just remind the singer of the scene earlier. He lowered the other man to the bed lifting the covers over him. Knowing that would be best based on the earlier experience he followed him under the covers.

 

They fell totally silent. Chester was staring at the ceiling these two voices fighting in his head. He whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

"Chazz. Stop it. Stop thinking what you think right now. Or tell me so we can think about it together", Mike wrapped his hand around the singer. Why was this so hard? Why wouldn't he talk?

 

"I.... can't. You don't want to hear it", Chester answered feeling like someone was choking him. He was tense and wanted to run away but he couldn't. Cause same time he wanted the emcee to hold him tighter.

 

"You know me better than that. Why wouldn't I want to hear it? If it hurts that bad I do. So I could help", the emcee stroked his cheek. "So soft, like silk...". "Stop it!", the other voice yelled.

 

Chester inhaled sharply. The touch of the other man felt like it was burning his skin. He would hate him. He really would.

 

Mike turned on his side to stare at the other man closer. He studied his face. Those huge brown eyes that had this desperate look. Long lashes that glistened from tears and soft lips that were quivering.

 

Chester closed his eyes. He couldn't go further like this either though. The burden was unbearable.

 

"I....", he started shutting his eyes tightly. It felt like the air left the room.

 

Mike took Chester's chin to his grip and turned his head to face him.

 

Chester felt the grip burning him and opened his eyes to see those sparkling brown eyes filled with wait and assurance. And there was it, the sweet smile and he couldn't take it anymore.

 

"I... think I'm in love with you", Chester exhaled.


	11. Chapter 11

Mike woke up again to the familiar sight. This fragile man beside him. Chester had stirred in his sleep now facing away from Mike and back against his chest. The towels were long gone and Mike couldn't but to blush. "Well this is awkward", he thought snorting. And then he remembered the conversation. Well, it went more like in a way that Chester told the familiar words that were not familiar from his mouth and then they went silent again. And then they had fallen asleep.

 

"So that was what he had been hiding. Was this also what the therapist found out or is there still more?",he stared at the back of the neck of the singer and sighed. "Where would this lead to now?"

 

"Go ahead", the other voice said in his head. The neck looked so soft and kissable...

 

"Please don't hate me", Chester suddenly said. "Oh, he had been awake!",Mike thought and tensed up.

 

"I could never hate you...", he murmured and placed his forehead against the singer's neck.

 

"I know... this could be hard.. well our relationship can be hard now that I blurted it out, but... I promise I won't let it mess things up. I know you don't feel the same", Chester gulped staring still at the wall.

 

"Mess things up? How could.. Well I'm not gay... But... he isn't either? Or is he?", Mike's thoughts were overflowing.

 

"But... I'll keep my distance. Please just don't hate me. That I couldn't take", the singer sighed.

 

"No. I won't. I never would. But... Umm... how about the others?", Mike stared still at the curve in Chester's neck.

 

"Tell them? Please don't! I promise to behave!", he suddenly turned to face Mike.

 

"Whoa! What is this sudden submitting?", Mike wondered.

 

"I asked more like do you want to tell.. If you feel like it I am fine with it. Omg, I don't know, this is...", he stared at the other.

 

"I know... Awkward, stupid, humiliating... But I can't help it. And I'm sorry", the singer sat up shaking his head.

 

"Don't worry about it. I'm...", Mike touched his shoulder.

 

"No Mike, don't. I need to keep some distance before I do something I regret later", the singer shook his hand off of him jumping up of the bed. The towel was a bundle at his feet under the bedcovers which he grabbed and wrapped around himself.

 

"Chester you don't need to...", Mike started trying to get up but he was tangled in the sheets and the other towel.

 

"No, stop it", he stopped Mike's movement with hand gesture and walked out of the room.

 

"Well now this is weird. What a change from yesterday", Mike thought staring after the singer. He didn't even know what to think about all this. He rubbed his temples feeling overwhelmed.

 

\-----

 

"Guys! Coffee!", Mike yelled. No need to change the morning routine. It would hopefully make them all feel comfortable and take their minds of the earlier.

 

Rob came yawning in the kitchen. "So yesterday... Did you get to sort it out?"

 

"Or not...", Mike thought.

 

"Yup", he just answered when the doorbell rang. They both looked at the door wondering what the hell. Mike lowered the coffee pot and went to get the door. Joe was standing there. Obviously baffled but also angry.

 

"I talked with Brad", he said getting inside the house.

 

"BRAAAAD!", Mike yelled fuming. "Of course it was the guitarist, it had to be him!", he thought arms crossed on his chest.

 

"What?! Oh...", Brad came downstairs and noticed Joe.

 

"So you really thought that it is up to you to tell Joe?!", Mike yelled at him. Friends or not, he could have at least asked before!

 

"I didn't tell him anything! I just said that there has been issues with Chester and he should stop by", the guitarist defended himself.

 

"For fuck's sake!", Mike was really mad. Mostly just cause it was surprise and the rest didn't even know the confession that Chester made. Now he would have to explain it all and he couldn't even explain it to himself.

 

"Anybody want to tell me what's going on?", Joe sat down staring at them.

 

Mike sighed and grabbed the coffee pot again. Time for big cup of coffee.

 

"Chester has had nightmares. After that he went weird and then finally confessed that he had been abused as a minor. You know, raped, beaten, blackmailed. All that kind of stuff. By and adult man that should have known better", Mike sat down next to Joe sipping from his mug.

 

"And then he went to therapist which was obviously too much cause he went crazy and ran outside in the freaking storm yesterday", Rob filled in.

 

"He was a mess. The therapist dug out... well something that was too much for him. He clearly had forgotten most of the things", Mike nodded.

 

"Okay... That is not good", Joe shook his head saddened by the bad news. "Did he tell you about it? Was there something why the nightmares and memories had started to arise now suddenly?, he continued.

 

Mike tensed up. Of course Joe would be the one pick up the smallest details.

 

"No. I think they talked with Mike but he didn't tell what they had talked with the therapist, right?", the drummer answered. Mike just nodded his head.

 

"Where is he now?", Joe asked then.

 

"No i...", Mike started but Rob interrupted him. "He trashed his room yesterday so he is cleaning it up with Dave".

 

Mike felt weird. "With Dave? Why him? I could have helped too"

 

"So what now? Do we continue the record or does he want to take a break? Deadline isn't close though so we can easily do it. Or just continue with slower pace", the DJ wondered.

 

"We haven't tal...", Mike started but was again interrupted when they noticed Chester coming downstairs with Dave. He had the laundry basket with him and Mike noticed his coat was there too.

 

Joe got up instantly and walked to Chester and hugged him whispering something to him.

 

Chester froze and went totally pale. "How could you? I specifically asked you not to!", he yelled at Mike dropping the basket and ran outside to the patio.

 

Joe stood there baffled. Mike stared at the scene incredulously.

 

"What did you say to him to make him so upset!?", Rob shouted to the DJ.

 

"I just thought... I said that it doesn't make him gay", he lowered his head not realizing what he did wrong.

 

"Oh shit Joe!", Mike jumped up running after the singer.

 

Rob stared at Joe mouth open who stared at Dave who stared at Brad who stared at Rob. They all were thinking: "What the hell just happened?"

 

"Chester!", Mike reached the singer.

 

"You really didn't need to tell it. I pleaded you!", Chester was now crying and yelling at same time.

 

"How could he! That was one thing he didn't want the others to know...", he thought.

 

"Listen listen! I didn't! Brad had talked to Joe and he came over. We explained the abuse thing and the problem with the therapist but I promise I didn't tell him about your feelings. I promise, I would never do it without your consent!", Mike grabbed his arms trying to hold the pacing singer.

 

"But he...", Chester tried to push him away.

 

"Yes cause of the abuse! I didn't tell him, you have to believe me!", the emcee tried to get an eye contact but the singer was too overwhelmed to concentrate.

 

"Please Chester. I never would let you down", he held Chester's face wiping his tears with his thumbs.

 

Chester inhaled. Guess.. That makes sense. Mike had never done anything to hurt him. Why would he start now.

 

"Okay... But now they can guess the rest", the panic started to rise again.

 

"No no no... We can figure something out. Let me handle the talking, okay? But please, don't ever think that I would hurt you", Mike smiled to him holding him by the shoulders.

 

Chester sighed and nodded. He had to trust the emcee now when he knew his secret.

 

]i]"What a mess.. Poor thing thinks I would harm him. He looks so scared and vulnerable",[/i] Mike wanted to hold the singer tight in his arms and never let go.

 

"I will go now, take your time, okay? I'll explain to them so you don't need to worry", he reluctantly stepped back.

 

"I haven't even had my morning coffee yet...", Chester shook his head.

 

Mike laughed when he saw a glimpse of the "normal Chester".

 

"He is fine. Just overreacted", Mike explained downplaying it. He noticed that Dave stared at him longer than the rest but just shook it off. 

 

"Way too much drama, argh", Mike thought picking up the laundry basket that Chester had dropped and headed to the laundry room.

 

\----

 

"I'm not going to stay long but I think we need to decide what to do with the record", Joe had got them all gather in the living room and even Brad to concentrate.

 

"What would you like to do?", he asked from Chester.

 

"I think.... that we could continue after a while. I need just some time to rearrange my thoughts", the singer answered keeping his eyes on the floor.

 

Mike gazed at Chester silently. He was so pretty with the concentrated look in his eyes. "Whoa! What is that, stop!", the voice yelled in his mind.

 

"So that we will do then. Let's say week and think again then, okay?" Joe nodded his head smiling

 

"Sounds good", the singer answered relaxing leaning his elbows to his thighs. Guess the DJ wasn't mad at him either

 

Joe stood up to leave and Dave escorted him to the door.

 

"You tell me if there is something wrong or something that you want. Anything", Mike said softly to the singer placing his hand on his neck. "Despite the confession he has still to deal with the past"

 

Chester felt like an electric shock went through him. "You already know what I want. Only thing I want"

 

"Thank you", he answered pulling away from Mike's touch. "Don't. Please don't.... You are breaking my heart when you touch me and I can't just kiss and embrace you", he thought sighing and getting up.

 

Mike stared at the singer who walked to other room. "He is running again and trying to push me away",he felt again the familiar hurt in his heart.

 

\-------


	12. Chapter 12

Chester woke up his head sore and ringing. He tried to rub his face but noticed that he was shackled. "Not again...", he thought instantly guessing where he was.

 

The room was dark. No light seen what so ever. He tried to feel what was around him with his legs but managed only to knock something over.

 

"Oh you are awake already! That was short", the door opened to another room and the man came to him.

 

"Go away, go away, go away....", he repeated in his head like a prayer. But of course it didn't help.

 

"Sorry I had to drug you. Had some business to take care of. And sorry I didn't leave you to the bed. It was really time to change the sheets. They were too bloody", the man started to release him.

 

"Oh yes blood. My blood", Chester cringed at the memory. He was released from the shackles and pulled to his feet. It hurt like hell to walk and he gasped after few steps.

 

"Don't. You should know. You should know that you don't have a choice. Just walk", the man pushed him further. He obeyed and heard soon the door being locked behind him.

 

"He fixed the lock. He really did fix it", he noticed sadly. 

 

The sheets were changed and the bed looked rather clean now. Then he saw himself on a mirror that the man had placed on the corner of the room to see them as he fucked him. He said it was fun... Chester had blood all over his ripped white t-shirt and he knew he had to throw it away. He had a deep gash on top of his left brow which was most likely the source of the blood. Most of the left side of his face was covered in dried blood. His nose was bloody too and his right cheekbone had nice purple color. And his neck... His neck had again red finger prints which were so difficult to hide. "Don't be a pussy. You figure something out", the man had said last time.

 

"Go on. What are you waiting for?", he was being shoved against the bed.

 

"Wha... But... It hurts already", he sobbed. He wouldn't, would he?

 

"The fuck do I care?! You still owe me!", the man took a cane to his hand and stepped closer getting already angry. 

 

"Not the cane, no", he thought feeling his breathing getting heavy. The cane was thin and made from rattan and it hurt like hell. It really hurt and stung. And it made terrible bruises that ached for days.

 

"Please don't... You saw the blood!", he pleaded hanging his head low. His voice was cracking and he felt tears well up in his eyes.

 

"I don't care! Strip, NOW!", the man yelled and swung the cane right to his ribs. He yelped and twitched. Taking a step back he glanced at the man who was fuming, ready to swing the cane again. He inhaled and took off his pants and the ripped shirt.

 

"Go on", he wasn't patient and pushed him. Chester swallowed loudly and climbed on the bed.

 

"On your stomach. You know this! Why the heck do I need to repeat myself always!", the man screamed at him. Chester was feeling light headed now. "No escaping", he was thinking.

 

The man shackled his hands to the posts of the bed quickly and sighed.

 

"You know you belong to me? You are pathetic little creature and I am the only one that could ever love you", the man stroked his back with the cane smiling.

 

"Yes I know it", he thought sobbing.

 

"I think... 20 is enough for today. And you will count for me", the man poked him to his side before he started the beating. Soon Chester felt the room starting to spin and the numbers dropped from his lips automatically. "It will never end... There is always the next time...", he thought before passing out.

 

\------

 

Mike woke up suddenly. He knew this had happened before so his ears searched any sounds possible. Even the little ones. But nothing. "Must have been a dream then", he shook his head and got up to get to the bathroom. It was freaking cold and he felt his skin go to goosebumps. The corridor was dark but the bathroom door was open with lights on inside. He walked there and washed his face with cold water. 4.10 AM said the clock. "Way too early", he yawned and started to walk back to his room. And then he froze. There was some noise coming from Chester's room and he had to check what is happening. "What if he is in pain!", he walked to the door.

 

"Chaz.. Can I come in?", he knocked on the door. No answer. 

 

He opened the door slowly and noticed that the room was dark too. He walked silently next to the bed. Chester was crying in his sleep. He was drenched in cold sweat, tense shoulders gleaming on the beam that came from between the blinds. He looked so terrible that Mike felt again the familiar squeeze around his heart. He had his back slightly arched, head tilted back and hands squeezing at the sheets. Obviously he was seeing a nightmare again.

 

"Chester, wake up", Mike grabbed his shoulders and shook him.

 

"Please don't... Not anymore.. Please", he was sobbing still in the dream world.

 

"Chester!", he shook the singer little bit harder to get him to wake up.

 

"No no no no no no!! Don't! Wha... Mike?" the singer woke up gasping for air.

 

"Yes it is me. Baby you had a nightmare", he whispered. "Baby?! What the fuck!", the voice started again the annoying screeching in his head.

 

"I.... It was horrible. He didn't stop. He didn't stop even when I was screaming and bleeding and...", he cried desolately.

 

"Hey hey... It won't happen again. It is all in the past", Mike held him against his chest stroking the brown velvety strands on his head. The singer couldn't get air between his sobs and started to hyperventilate and Mike felt so bad for him. "When will this end? Has he given up already?

 

"Breathe please, breathe!", he turned the singer's face to him staring in his eyes. "He is so pretty with the glistening eyes and trembling lips", he was thinking pushing the other voice further away in his mind before it could say anything.

 

"Mike, I'm scared", Chester sobbed clinging to the emcee.

 

"You don't need to be. I'm here. I will always be here. He won't hurt you ever again", Mike stroked his sides. He felt this weird fuzzy feeling in his stomach when he watched the singer in front of him.

 

Chester stared at the emcee feeling so overwhelmed. Having the terrible nightmare about the past and then to woke up to see the face of the man he loved was just so much for him to bear. The emcee was so close... Leaning just a little forward he could kiss those soft lips. "He would kill me probably. But it would be so worth it... Just a small peck..." And still he could feel the fear and pain and just wanted to wither away.

 

"Why is he looking me like that? He has never looked me like that before...", Mike didn't recognize the look in the singer's wet brown eyes.

 

"He needs to go.. Soon it is too late", Chester thought biting his lip.

 

Mike felt his eyes widen when he saw the singer bite his luscious lip. "That.. is so... omg"

 

"I... Mike you need to go", Chester heard himself say.

 

"What? Why would I? You just saw a nightmare! I won't leave you alone. Remember before? You slept fine with me, right?, he shook his head not believing what the other man was saying. He wouldn't definitely leave him alone after this.

 

"I mean it Mike. I will regret if...", Chester pulled away reluctantly. It hurt, it really hurt to do that. But it would hurt Mike more if he would do anything he really wanted.

 

"No. And I am not going to argue about this. You are visibly hurt and I will stay by your side", the emcee pulled him back to his arms holding tightly fearing that he would run away like he has done before.

 

Chester gulped. He new he could run but what was the point? Mike would still find him. Other option would just to yell him but that didn't sound good.. Third was.. Well to submit.

 

He sighed. "Well... I guess you are right..."

 

Mike nodded smiling slightly. He climbed in the bed next to the singer laying down. They fell silent Chester still sitting staring at his hands.

 

"Ummmm... It is kinda hot here. Can I take my shirt off? I hope you don't mind but I feel like toasting", he asked remembering that was also the reason why he let Chester to have his room. He was so much skinnier and the heat seemed to gather in this room.

 

Chester froze inhaling. "Mike, the fuck?! Why the heck would I mind except that it makes this even harder... And me too", he thought.

 

"Sure... I don't mind. It is kinda warm here", he felt himself blush when the emcee reached the hem of his shirt and took the shirt off so effortlessly tossing it on the floor. He slowly laid down next to the emcee who followed him before shifting the sheet.

 

"Better? A little bit atleast?", Mike asked smiling.

 

"Seeing you smile makes my day... Always. So yes I am better Mr. Shinoda", Chester thought but..

 

"Yes. A little bit I think", was what he got out of his mouth.

 

"Can... Could I help you feel even more better?", the emcee asked staring at him.

 

"Yes. Sure. Like if you would kiss me and hold me and say you love me and...", Chester squeezed his eyes shut.

 

"Maybe... If you could hug me", he had the courage to say.

 

"Of course", Mike whispered pulling him closer. He wrapped his arms around the thin frame of the singer and rested their foreheads together. Chester felt the familiar panic rise. "No no no, please don't come that close. That is too close...". He held his breath and tensed up.

 

"Calm down, relax. Please...", Mike whispered closing his eyes. He felt the rapid breath of the other man on his face and squeezed him harder. 

 

"Please don't ever leave me...", Chester hummed falling slowly to sleep.

 

\-------


	13. Chapter 13

This time it was Chester who woke up first. He stretched softly and opened his eyes to see the emcee still asleep. "I could wake up to this every morning. He is so beautiful", he thought studying the features of the other man feeling his heart race. Mike had wrapped his arm around Chester's waist holding him almost possessively. Chester felt so comfortable and safe. He sighed and continued to stare at the other man. His long lashes, and soft lips that were slightly parted. His pale arm looked so weird against the darker skin the emcee had. Chester stopped to stare at the bare chest of Mike. Then the emcee yawned and started to wake up.

 

"Hey", Chester smiled softly as the other man rubbed his eyes.

 

"Hey. How long have you been awake?", Mike noticed that the singer seemed relaxed and happier now.

 

"Don't know... For a while, I guess?", he shrugged. The emcee instinctively pulled him closer to hug him and Chester's eyes widened. "Whoa!"

 

"Slept well?", Mike asked now inches away from the singers face.

 

"I... Yes", the singer answered feeling hard to breathe. "He is so freaking beautiful...", he thought staring into those huge dark eyes that were always so kind and compassionate.

 

"He looks so pretty today. Not worried, not in pain, not sad...", Mike was staring straight into Chester's soul.

 

The singer looked at the emcee one more time before catching the few inches they had between their faces and held his breath. Then he slowly placed his lips on the lips of the other man.

 

"Oh my god what am I doing, what am I doing... But he tastes so good...", Chester thought leaning little bit further to taste more of the other man.

 

"What the hell?! We shouldn't... Oh... Well this is kinda nice...", Mike thought tensing up.

 

And just when the emcee was going to answer to the kiss Chester leaned back parting their lips again breathing heavily. He had amazing glow in his eyes and Mike felt his heart skip a beat. But the singer saw the shock in the eyes of the other man and panicked.

 

"Oh hell... I... I shouldn't have.... Oh my god, I'm so sorry Mike, I shouldn't, I..., he jumped up stumbling on the bed covers already tearing up. Mike stared at the other man utterly confused.

 

"Ches... wait!", but it was too late. The singer was already out of the door after grabbing some clothes from a chair.

 

"What was that?!", Mike shook his head eyes wide.

 

\-----

 

"Oh! You're already up.. Ummm... Do you happen to know where Chester went?, Mike strolled downstairs noticing that Rob was already awake eating his cereals.

 

"He said he needs some time alone and then he headed to the patio. He specifically told that if you ask he is sorry and wants you to leave him alone for now", Rob mumbled not raising his head from the cartoons he was watching.

 

"Oh.. Okay", Mike felt defeated. "Guess I have to wait then", he thought sighing. Rob glanced at him but didn't say anything. Mike headed to the coffee maker. "Yeah, the routines.. Won't help shit but I need my caffeine". He grunted and poured some coffee grounds to the table accidentally. Then he sighed and muttered to himself.

 

"Mike", Rob said to him.

 

"Huh?", the emcee turned almost dropping the coffee pot now.

 

"I can see something is bothering to you. Spill it out", the drummer waved his spoon in the air like a magic wand.

 

"Everything is fine", Mike mumbled shaking his head.

 

"Yeah right... No it isn't. And since Chester said he doesn't want to see you and you were asking about him it means that it concerns both of you. Does it have something to do with you two sleeping together?", he was serious.

 

"How the hell you know about that?!, the emcee was shocked. "I didn't hear anyone at the door"

 

"You think Brad could keep that kind of secret? No way... And it isn't even only that. You two have been weird lately. And then the incident with Joe. You never really explained it...", Rob continued raising his eyebrow.

 

"Ugh... Well... You know the nightmares. They are really bad. He hasn't really told what he sees in them but few blurts afterwards... I have guessed. I have been sleeping next to him few nights. One night I woke up to him screaming and you know... It helps him I guess. Well at least he sleeps well after and hasn't woken me up to after. Then the confession and then Joe said a wrong word and.... It's weird. Kinda", Mike explained.

 

"Oh shit!", he realized then what he really had said.

 

"What confession?", Rob asked. 

 

"Yeah, no hope he wouldn't have caught that", Mike was beating himself mentally.

 

"Shit Rob.. I shouldn't have blurted that out. He made me promise I won't tell it to you guys", the emcee shook his head.

 

"And you know I won't leave you alone until you tell me. And you also know that you can trust me that I don't tell it to anyone", the drummer said.

 

"As what I did tell to him...", Mike thought getting angry at himself.

 

"Dammit... Well he confessed that he is in love with me", the emcee whispered waiting for the answer anxiously.

 

"Oh. Whoa. That is.. Well I don't... I mean I didn't wait for that exactly but it isn't weird if we think about you two", Rob leaned back to his chair thinking about the situation.

 

"What is that supposed to mean?", Mike frowned.

 

"We'll look at you two! You are like attached at the hip", Rob laughed.

 

Mike rolled his eyes "Well guess he is right..."

 

"So when did this happen? That isn't why he is angry? Well I don't think he was angry but confused at least", Rob continued the subject.

 

"No no no... It was before Joe came. That is why he got mad about his words cause I promised him I won't tell anyone", the emcee shook his head and started to pour the now ready coffee.

 

"I see... But what about now? Why was he weird? More weirder than usual I mean. Wait... What did you answer to him?", the younger male leaned forward eyes wide.

 

"Ummmmmm... He kissed me. This morning. Yeah", the emcee sighed.

 

"Aaaaaand...? Wait this morning? You were sleeping beside him again?!", Rob clapped his hands like an excited child. "He is enjoying this way too much...", Mike thought.

 

"Yeah. He had a nightmare last night too. I was heading back to sleep after bathroom and heard it. He makes this cute noice when he is asleep and feels threatened there...", he sipped his hot coffee. "Chester needs heed morning coffee too...", he thought.

 

"Oh... okay... But what did you answer to him? You didn't tell it yet...", the drummed reminded him.

 

"Nothing...", Mike mumbled.

 

"Nothing... Wait! You don't say... MIKE WHAT THE FUCK!?", Rob was now yelling at him. 

 

"You don't really mean that he said he loves you and you didn't say anything in return and then you just go and sleep next to him! Mike NO! You can't do that! Don't you see?! You are giving him hope and then pulling it away. And giving it again and.. You are breaking his heart", Rob didn't believe his friend could be that stupid.

 

Mike stood there amazed of the outburst. "I didn't know I was hurting him... Oh my god it totally makes sense now"

 

"Yeah. Think about that. You can't do that to another human being. Let alone to your friend. You are playing his emotions", the drummer shook his head sadly.

 

"But... I just couldn't have left him alone. His nightmares are really bad", Mike defended himself.

 

"No no no.. Doesn't matter. You can't confuse him anymore. Since you don't feel the same you need to let him be. I think we could help with the nightmares", Rob explained.

 

Mike sighed and stared outside the window. "Yeah.. But I don't want to. It hurts to see him hurt. It hurts be away from him".

 

"Oh.. Wait. You do. You do feel the same. Wow...", the drummer stared at him eyes wide.

 

"No I...", Mike started but realized it was in vain to try to fight that feeling. "Would it really be that simple?"

 

"Don't bullshit me. I have seen that look before", Rob winked at him smiling.

 

Mike smiled blushing and shrugged.

 

"So. Now you need to tell him", the drummer added.

 

Mike stared at him like he was talking hebrew. "Oh shoot.. Yeah, that would be easy."

 

Rob placed his cereal bowl into the dishwasher heading out of the kitchen visibly happy he could resolve something.

 

Brad came into the kitchen yawning and scratching his chest clearly confused noticing he walked into a conversation.

 

"Rob. When did you get so smart?", Mike smiled at him feeling proud big brother moment.

 

"Learned from the best", the drummer shrugged and smiled back.

 

"Which is me, right?", Brad asked wanting to participate but turned into pouting when the other two bursted into laughter.

 

\------


	14. Chapter 14

Mike stared at the clock. He was again in the situation that he didn't know how long to wait. Chester had been few hours in the patio. Mike wasn't only anxious cause they needed to talk and he didn't know what to say but the singer hadn't even eaten anything that day. That would make him cranky. Rob had went up to his room earlier and others were somewhere. He turned to look at the clock again and sighed.

 

"Mike. Go. It won't get any easier but the opposite", Rob peeked down from the second floor.

 

"You freak me out", Mike laughed and then got serious again. "What will happen will happen. Rather it to happen now than later", he inhaled and walked to the sliding glass doors that lead to the patio. The singer was sitting with a lap top on his hands. He was clearly focused on something with ear plugs on. Mike didn't want to startle the other man and slowly opened the door tiny bit. The other man started to sing with his sweet voice and Mike's heart jolted.

 

"You're the light at the end of the tunnel  
The beacon fire in the dark  
The glimmer of hope and truly the meaning of my life

I say this with all of my heart

You are the only one for me  
Year to year, in words and deed  
In all this chaos the trace of clarity  
You are the only one I see  
My first and last, my all and everything  
You are the one"

 

In the middle Chester closed his eyes tears rolling down his cheeks. "So serene and pure...", Mike thought and cleared his throat and opening the door to step outside not really wanting to interrupt and end the moment.

 

"Hi... That was beautiful. Writing a new song?, he spoke softly not knowing where to turn his gaze.

 

"Hi. No.. That was just a suggestion from one fan and it felt like... Never mind. What's up?", Chester's face had now the same shadow it had had for days only disappearing once in a while.

 

"I think we need to talk. About the earlier... And well everything", the emcee continued stepping closer.

 

"No we really don't. It was a mistake and I knew it would happen. I warned you. And now I fear that that was the end of.. well everything. So I don't really feel like talking. I'm sorry Mike. I'm sorry that I couldn't control myself and that I broke the promise", Chester shook his head sadly.

 

"What promise?", Mike was confused.

 

"I said I won't mess things up. And that was exactly what I did back there", the other man's voice was merely a whisper.

 

Mike didn't really know what to say. He was confused. Without Rob he would be oblivious but now he was just confused. How to continue from here? He didn't understand that he had really hurt the other man that bad.

 

"Why does he look so sad and confused? It was me who messed up not him! I didn't hurt his feelings that bad with one kiss?" Chester's mind was overloaded with thoughts.

 

"So if you excuse me I really need to get some distance before I do something I will regret- again", Chester rose up and walked to the door.

 

"No, please. Stay and we'll talk", he grabbed the arm of the singer. "His way to deal with things, I already recognize it"

 

"No Mike don't. You don't need to pity me! You know what I have gone through but it doesn't mean you would have to stand me abusing your friendship", he pulled his arm wanting really bad to leave. He was getting anxious.

 

"For once in a while stop running!", he grabbed Chester by the arms and pushed him against the wall little more roughly that he intended to.

 

Chester froze up startled by the sudden change in the attitude of the emcee. He wasn't scared though. The other man didn't look angry, just annoyed.

 

"Now you listen to me for a while. What if... what if I do feel the same? Did that even cross your mind?", the emcee gulped.

 

Chester sighed thinking "Yeah like that would happen..."

 

"Like I said. You don't need to pity me. That would be too good to be true, so haha good joke and now let me go", he pushed against the emcee wanting to leave more than ever feeling tears well up his eyes. The terrified little boy scared of change inside of him started to panic.

 

Mike didn't budge but shoved the singer back against the wall. "Of course he doesn't believe me", Mike new the man too well.

 

Not waiting the singer to object again Mike pushed his lips roughly against the other man's. He felt Chester tense up first but then relax so he took his time with the kiss wanting to taste and explore the other man. "Why haven't I done this before?!", his mind was screaming now, the annoying voice of doubt somewhere not to be heard.

 

They were both breathless when Mike finally pulled away. "So... Does that feel like pity to you?", he whispered not believing this was really happening. Chester had again the beautiful sparkle in his eyes and Mike inhaled not wanting to move an inch.

 

Chester was out of breath but also out of words. "Did this really happen? To me? Or was it still a joke? Not Mike's style though. Maybe Brad's but not Mike's..."

 

"And don't dare to say you still don't believe me. I don't know why or how, but I do have feelings for you. More than a friends would or should have. So stop running. I'm not going anywhere, the emcee leaned and nudged their noses together smiling.

 

Chester blushed. The emcee was so close and said those words like he meant it. He has never felt like that before. Could this lead to happiness?

 

"Okay... Umm.. So what now?", he started slowly to believe that this was true. The emcee had never given any reason for him to doubt. He had always been honest. But now he was scared that it was his fault if the band broke up or the others started to hate them or..

 

"I have no idea. I think we aren't in a hurry. And... we still have to deal with your nightmares", Mike brushed Chester's cheek wanting to kiss him again but also afraid that it would be too much at once.

 

"But... I'm scared Mike. They will hate me", Chester let out a little whimper.

 

"The boys? Why would they?", the emcee was getting worried. "Shoot, he will hear that I told Rob.."

 

"I don't know.. Cause it isn't what they expect?", Chester lowered his head.

 

"Yeah, like they would be surprised about anything really", Mike grabbed the chin of the other man winking his eye. "Geez... He is so pretty"

 

"Can I... kiss you again?", he whispered softly. "It felt nice.."

 

Chester blushed again nodding his head slowly. Mike held Chester by the cheeks and carefully let their lips touch. He was so soft.. Mike's heart was beating fast and he felt his legs wobble. Chester had all his senses heightened and he purred in Mike's mouth and dared to slowly raise his hand to back of Mike's head to touch his shiny strands. He had always wondered what they would feel like. Mike smiled amongst the kiss and deepened it then.

 

"Ches will.... What the hell!!", Brad suddenly opened the sliding door seeing them in the middle of the kiss. He stumbled on his own feet while trying to back up. "ROOOOOOB!!!", he screamed.

 

Chester went totally red and covered his eyes with his hand. "I knew it, I knew it... They will kill me", he thought sobbing.

 

"Hey, Chazz... baby. Don't", Mike grabbed the singer's hands and pulled them away from his face smiling, trying to convince him that there was nothing to be worried about.

 

Rob came running downstairs and saw the two man holding each other and Brad still on the floor not remembering how to get up.

 

"Oh! I see you two made up", he smiled genuinely happy. 

 

"And you! Once in a while the Big Bad Brad is wordless!", he then pointed laughing at the guitarist who sat at the floor. Brad stared back eyes wide really confused what is happening.

 

"See?", Mike said softly to Chester who shrugged little. "Maybe it isn't going to be THAT bad..."

 

"But....", Brad waved at the two man. 

 

Rob bend down to laugh at the confusion of the guitarist.

 

"Oh my god... I didn't know I would have so much fun to see your reaction", he continued to laugh and pulled the other man up from the floor.

 

"And now we will leave them alone", the drummer winked at Mike pushing the still baffled guitarist back inside.

 

"But but.... Didn't you see that?!, he tried but the drummer was still laughing and pushing him away from the two.

 

\-----


	15. Chapter 15

"Chazz...", Mike leaned at the doorframe of Chester's room later that night.

 

Rob had shut Brad's mouth by saying that the other two will tell when they feel like it. Rest of the day went normally. They ate and watched some tv. Joe called and Brad talked to him briefly. Rob smirked a lot around them. Dave was totally clueless and it was really hard for Rob to not laugh. Chester was rather uncomfortable around the drummer and the guitarist and figured he would go to bed early.

 

"Mike, hi...", he lifted his head from a book he was reading when he noticed the emcee at the door. Mike had his hair still wet from shower. He was wearing loose sweatpants that hung low on his hips and grey t-shirt.

 

"I thought.. Well you have had the nightmares. And I think you have slept better with me, right?", he ran his fingers through his hair. Chester nodded shyly.

 

"Maybe I could sleep with you tonight too?", he smiled to the singer.

 

"Oh... Well... Okay, sure", Chester didn't know how to respond properly. He was still unsure of the whole situation.

 

Mike approached the bed and crawled in. He didn't know where to put his hands so he just rested on his back crossing his arms on his chest.

 

"This is weird", the singer whispered.

 

"Why? It isn't like we haven't done this before?", the younger man turned his head to face the other man. He knew what the singer meant but he just wanted to hear it out loud. Cause finally the singer was talking.

 

"Yeah but.. You know after what happened at the patio. I don't... I don't really know how to behave you know? This is new to me", the singer blushed slightly.

 

"You are so cute when you blush...", Mike smiled making the other blush even more.

 

"But yes I know what you mean. It's all new to me too", he sighed then.

 

"And I have to ask.. What did Rob mean when he said that we two made up? We weren't being that weird, right?", Chester asked.

 

"Oh damn... I knew you had noticed that. Well. I had to tell him. But it was an accident really! He noticed we were awkward and he asked. Then I blurted some and you know how he is when he hears half and not the rest. But he is the one to thank really. I think I wouldn't have figured it out myself you know?", the emcee grinned fearing that the singer would be mad.

 

"Ah.. Okay. Guess that was.. lucky then", the other man however smiled a little.

 

"Glad you are not mad. I really didn't do it on purpose but the outcome was at least good. And he is the only one who knows. Well besides Brad...", Mike snorted.

 

Chester nodded accepting the story and they both fell in silence.

 

Mike stared at the singer and felt this weird electric shock go through him. The other man was so close but he wanted to be even closer. They weren't even touching but he felt his skin burn.

 

"I know this is still awkward but... can I hold you? I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything", he asked inhaling.

 

"Mike. I have wanted for your touch for so long and then wished it would be more than just friendly one, so yes Mike, please hold me", Chester gasped.

 

Mike leaned in scooping Chester in his arms heart filled with joy. "So weird that I didn't know that this was what I wanted"

 

Chester felt tears burn his cheeks. This time he thought it was happiness. At least he thought happiness would feel like that.

 

"Are you crying again? Why?", Mike felt the tears on his shoulder but didn't want to pull away.

 

"I don't know... This feels nice. Right. And I have wanted it so long", the singer answered inhaling same time the smell of Mike's hair.

 

"You mean that those are kinda like... tears of joy?", Mike eventually pulled away to look at the face of the other man.

 

"Kinda yes", Chester chuckled. "But don't get me wrong. I'm still scared and... I hope that you won't break my heart. I need to trust you", he continued seriously still unsure would it be good thing for him to open up so much.

 

"Baby, you can trust me. You know that", Mike's voice was barely a whisper but he was dead serious.

 

"I love when you call me 'baby'. That is so cute", Chester blushed again.

 

"And like I said it is cute when you blush. Super cute", the emcee placed a small peck on the nose of the other man. Chester chuckled again.

 

"Gosh, you're so cheesy...", he blinked his beautiful brown eyes and the emcee felt like he was melting.

 

"So now when you are this funny giggling cuteness can I be serious?", Mike asked carefully stroking Chester's cheek.

 

"What now...", the singer was scared but nodded.

 

"I'm still afraid of your past. The nightmares. Touring with having nightmares isn't going to be fun. You will be dead tired and then go crazy. And we already know that won't be good. So, could you maybe think about speaking again to a therapist? Not necessary the same one of course if you feel like she wasn't good", he watched the singer go silent. He was clearly ashamed and anxious.

 

"Chazz, please... I will be there for you. No matter what happens. You have to believe me. It might be hard but I think it would be worth it", he continued placing soft kisses on the face of the now sobbing singer.

 

Chester shed almost silent tears and inhaled. He just wanted to forget the past but he knew that it was part of him. He just couldn't erase it. So maybe the therapist would be an option..

 

"The therapist was good. I mean really good. That is why I broke down. Cause she was able to dig so deep in one session. I didn't want to member those things. Cause nightmares... Well they are still dreams. At least that was what I wanted to think. But they were still something what had happened to me. Back then I felt like I was totally alone. All of what happened to me and there was no one to help me. To keep me safe. Even if I would have told someone I'm pretty sure no one would have believed me", he inhaled breathily.

 

Mike listened silently stroking his cheeks calmly. He saw the suffering in the eyes of the other man and it hurt him so badly. He wanted to wash away all the pain but even ocean wouldn't be enough.

 

"So then she suggested that maybe this sudden attack of the nightmares is a cause of something that has changed. We discussed it and of course I admitted that there was stress because of the record and up coming tour. Then she said that she had seen similar case before. There the patient had been in love with his co-worker and it brought up the past. I wondered that why that was relevant since it happened all the time. The therapist answered that the both have been males and the patients abuser was a male too. So hiding the love towards same sex was the issue. That hit me. Hard. I realized what I have been just doing. I got so mad that I threw a chair across the room and almost hit her. And she only flinched. And then I screamed at her that she is wrong -and she didn't even talk about me but another case-, she just said that our time is up and she needs to see me again. I just ran. And when I saw you... I didn't know how to react. I'm still sorry how I handled that", his speak slowly turned to whisper.

 

Mike was baffled. It was kind of what he had been thinking but when it was put into words it felt so much worse. "I could have handled it differently too", he thought.

 

"I really did want to hit you then. No cause I hated you, but the opposite. I was so freaking scared of my feelings that I couldn't bear to look at you. And you just wanted to help and....", he breathed feeling suffocated.

 

"Baby oh no... Don't worry about it. I don't blame you for anything. Not even if you would have hit me. I just was so confused. I wish I would have known then what was wrong so I could have helped you better", Mike shushed him.

 

"And now you know. That the very reason why I couldn't tell you, was you", the singer said.

 

Mike smiled and kissed Chester's tears from his cheeks making him smile too.

 

"And now for the other... You know we talked that we would take time with the nightmare- issue. But, I feel like the rest of the band should know too. And poor Brad is still confused. I'm pretty sure he is thinking about it right now too", Mike smirked.

 

"But what do you want to tell them? That we kissed?", Chester was confused.

 

"No silly. That I love you and don't want anyone to get in the way", Mike laughed squeezing the again blushing singer.

 

\--------


	16. Chapter 16

"What are you doing?", Chester asked when he saw Mike come to the kitchen with a bunch of chives. He had woken up after Mike and almost panicked when the emcee wasn't in the bed with him. But then he smelt the wonderful scent of fresh coffee and knew the other man would just be down in the kitchen.

 

"Breakfast", Mike winked and placed the chives in a colander to rinse them. Yes, he had some herbs growing outside cause why not? He loved that he could get some fresh salad on his bagel or snip some chives on his omelet.

 

"I see, but I was wondering what...", Chester laughed. He knew the emcee did that on purpose. It was one of his features he both loved and disliked.

 

"Just wait a second and you'll see", Mike smiled and picked up some eggs from the fridge. The singer snorted and got his coffee mug from the cupboard to fill it up with the delicious nectar that Mike had already made.

 

"You know I could have done that too if you would have asked. Or waited a second", he felt the emcee behind him and his warm breath on his neck. His fingers started to play on Chester's bare shoulders. Instant goosebumps. 

 

"But you are making the breakfast so I don't want to bother you", Chester smiled pouring his mug full. The emcee turned him around holding by the waist and pushed him against the counter.

 

"I wouldn't have mind. Cause I am making the breakfast for you", Mike said placing soft kisses on his jawline. He loved that he could finally do that. And make the singer squirm under his touch.

 

"Would that mean maybe... ah... umm.. My favorite breakfast?", the singer was having hard time to hold the coffee mug without spilling and paused when Mike reached the corner of his mouth.

 

"Bacon and eggs, yes", he mumbled in Chester's mouth biting his lip softly.

 

"WHOAAAAA! ROOOOOB! They are doing it again!", Brad stumbled in the kitchen staring at them mouth open and shouted at the drummer.

 

Mike laughed and pushed Chester gently aside to start the breakfast. Chester turned away to hide his laughter from Brad. The guitarist was hilarious but he knew in the back of his mind that if he would really have a problem with them kissing he would have already said it. Or stormed out like a stubborn child.

 

"Doing what?", the drummer came to the kitchen too almost running.

 

"Kissing! They were kissing! If I didn't hallucinate", Brad answered still not believing his eyes.

 

"Or maybe it was wishful thinking?", Mike mumbled amused of the reaction the guitarist had.

 

"Mike! For fuck's sake!", the guitarist yelled. He didn't like that they made fun off him.

 

"Babe, can you pass me the bacon?", the emcee glimpsed at Chester who was still close to him sipping his coffee.

 

"Did you hear that!?", Brad waved his hand in the air. Rob snorted and pushed the guitarist off from the kitchen.

 

"Mike, stop it. You are making me blush again", the singer handed him the bacon.

 

"But you know I love it... I can use other names too. Baby, honey... Oh how about sugar, I love that. It's cheesy though. Sweetie, that is nice too", Mike smiled but noticed then the shadow on Chester's face.

 

"No... not that. He... used to call me that", the singer whispered.

 

"Sorry.. I should have known", the other man paused and felt terrible. "I knew I would mess up!", he thought beating himself mentally.

 

"No, don't worry. How could you, when I haven't told you that", the singer smiled little and stroked his arm. Mike nodded and continued before the bacon burned. He was happy that this little step backwards was only that. Not like three. 

 

He finished the cooking and ordered Chester to sit down. They ate in silence only glancing at each other's with smiles on their faces. Afterwards Mike poured some more coffee to them and headed to the TV to watch some news. Rob and Brad had came back to kitchen now that they had left there. Dave had appeared downstairs and was now focused on his phone and only occasionally glanced at the TV. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Rob went to open the door and noticing it was Joe he let him in. 

 

"Morning", he said with not so happy voice. Mike saw Brad blush and slouch down so he guessed that he had told to the DJ what he saw.

 

"Why am I always the last one to know what is happening? Is it really that hard?", he growled. He was annoyed that he didn't know what was going on. He felt like he was left outside even though he knew it was his choice.

 

"Know what?", Dave asked turning his head like a confused owl.

 

Mike glanced at Chester to get an acceptance and answered then.

 

"He doesn't know either", he pointed to the bassist who got even more lost.

 

The DJ just stood and waited for an explanation not bothering to interrupt.

 

"I think we are... well a couple", he smiled to Chester not even directing his words to the others.

 

"I'm really confused. Can someone help me out please?", the bassist rubbed his temples. The singer and the emcee were sitting in front of him and the emcee said "we are a couple" and looked at the singer same time. But that doesn't me he was talking about _them_?

 

"I saw them kissing. Yesterday and today", the guitarist blurted and pointed at the two man on the couch and made Chester blush. The singer didn't like the attention but guess it had to be dealt with now.

 

"Oh shut up... Mike loves Chester and Chester loves Mike. It doesn't get clearer than that. Brad was real drama queen yesterday when he saw them kissing. And today AGAIN", he slapped the guitarist on the head making his fro bounce funnily.

 

"I am just glad they made up. Cause I couldn't have dealt with that weirdness for a single day longer", he continued winking his eye for Chester who was trying to be invisible.

 

"So... Errrm. Let's back up little bit. You two are dating?", Dave pointed at them.

 

"Oh... We totally should. I think I will bring you to see some nice movie and then dinner?", the emcee got excited and grabbed the singers hand to held it in his. Rob laughed and Brad shook his head in denial.

 

"Mike! Be serious for once!", Joe grunted.

 

"What if I don't want to be? You see after all that he has been through, he could be happy. And I could be the one making him that. So pretty much that makes it the only thing I will be serious with!", the emcee suddenly raised his voice directing his words to the others but same time made Chester's heart beat faster. "Is he really sitting next to me and saying those words out loud?"

 

Rob just couldn't stop smiling. It was like the best thing that had happened inside the band in ages. Like, if he wouldn't count the albums and touring but only personal stuff. And they were super cute together. Bet the fans would loved them.

 

"But yes. If Mr. Bennington is willing we are dating. As a couple. And yes we were kissing yesterday. And today", Mike had calmed down reminding himself that the others most likely were just confused. He had never heard a single homophobic comment from them so why would they start now?

 

Joe sighed and sat down. "So this was the reason why my words hurt him so badly", he thought.

 

Mike stared at the DJ who was clearly thinking something and he knew he shouldn't be disturbed then. He squeezed Chester's hand and smiled softly to him.

 

Dave was watching them eyes wide. This is so weird. He always thought that the singer was ladies man. Not that it really bothered him. It was just confusing and made him think that was this all cause of the singer's past. But he trusted the emcee that he wouldn't break Chester's heart. If it would be anybody else... nope. Couldn't take it. But Mike. He was happy that it was Mike.

 

"This leads to certain problems. But... My main question still is- what about the nightmares? I hope you don't think that all this would just bury the past. It won't go away. You have already once tried to escape it and you see how you ended up. I want you to deal with it before you do something that... you regret", Joe sighed dead serious.

 

"Joe what the f...", Mike jumped up but was pulled down by Chester. He gave half angry half flattered look to the emcee who was startled that the singer wanted to talk.

 

"I will. And don't ever think that I haven't thought about that. But, the therapist explained it to me. Before I got crazy...", he said firmly to the DJ and then blushed.

 

"So speaking of the therapist. I'm sorry Rob. She was good. That is the reason I got mad. Cause she was able to find out stuff from me and from my past in an hour that I haven't even been able to figure out myself in years. I would like to go see her again, if only she allows me to. Bet she is angry that I threw a chair towards her", he continued and grimaced.

 

"I don't think you need to think about that. She had e-mailed me and was worried about you. Like I said, she is the reason I haven't gone mental with you guys. I know she is good", the drummer poked the guitarist and then smiled at Chester.

 

"What about now? Yes yes the record and all that, but the publicity? How do we want to deal that? Do you want to tell it or hide it?", Dave asked then.

 

"I don't... maybe it is too soon to think about. But, don't think we would change our stage performance in anyway though", Mike started and then glanced at Chester like asking could he speak now. The singer was still shy about the attention despite his outburst.

 

"Yeah, haha! But you can grope his ass more freely now", Rob snorted at the singer who blushed again. Well he loved Mike's ass a lot.

 

Brad was blushing now too and shook his again. "Why in my band, why?", he thought.

 

"So does anyone have a problem with us being together?", Mike saw the guitarist's face and decided to ask. He knew his friend was okay with gays. But... He was acting weird.

 

Everyone just stared at each other.

 

"Brad?", Mike asked directly from him.

 

"No... I... I don't know. Damn! I don't mind you two being together but is freaking weird! You know? I thought you both were straight and then this is thrown at my face like a wet rag", he played with his hair shaking his head.

 

"Does that mean you don't want us to be together? I thought you were my best friend", Mike was disappointed. Could it all fall to this?

 

"No no no no no no no!! Don't get me wrong! I love to see you two happy. Especially Chester after the... well you know. It is just new thing and I need time to adjust. I would never get between your happiness", he smiled genuinely. Now Chester could smile too. He knew the guitarist meant it. He could see it in his eyes.

 

"Okay. That is good. I knew I could trust you", Mike sighed nodding. "What a relief"

 

"Which means that when you two make out you should probably do it in places where you two don't encounter Brad", the drummer snorted.

 

Now it was Mike's turn to blush. He hadn't even thought it when he had been so mesmerized by the singer. Maybe Brad's reaction was just well justified. Chester turned and hid his face on Mike's neck.

 

"Would the week apply still?", Joe brought up the break they had decided to take on the recording.

 

"Yes I think it is fine. I will call the therapist tomorrow to see does she have free time. I didn't see nightmares last night so I think...", Chester nodded pausing then.

 

"That Mike helped", Rob filled in grinning and clapping his hands. Mike rolled his eyes. The drummer really was enjoying this too much.

 

"Let's keep that plan then. But please, you know the press. Don't get all too lovey dovey in public", the DJ winked and walked at the door.

 

"So that is kinda like honeymoon I would say", Mike whispered and nibbled Chester's earlobe making him giggle again.

 

Dave was still baffled but happy too. "Oh lord.. What would this lead to", he thought and stood up to leave the two alone.

 

"And that is a cue for us two", Rob glanced at the two man in the couch and pushed the guitarist once again off of the room. Mike was whispering sweet words in Chester's ear and the singer was having the most wonderful smile on his face. "Maybe... It would all go well and the singer would get his happiness", the drummer thought glancing at them one more time.

 

\------


	17. Chapter 17

It was few days after they had talked to the others. Brad was still being... well Brad. Annoying drama queen. Which Rob loved cause he got always a good laugh out of it. Chester had gotten an appointment to the therapist and Mike was now waiting him in the car. Anxious that would it all happen again. But when the singer stepped out from the building Mike knew that at least this time he wouldn't need to worry.

 

"Hi", he greeted the emcee stepping in the car. With a smile in his face.

 

"Guess it went well?", Mike nodded.

 

"Yeah. She said that she was angry about the chair throw but cause she also knew why I did it she couldn't be too mad. We talked. A lot. And I still hate that she digs out all the bad stuff but I think it is worth it. She prescribed some tablets too. Not too heavy shit, but she said that it could help now in the beginning. If all goes like planned I can drop them in some months", he answered putting the seatbelt on.

 

"Good. I love to see you smile", Mike squeezed his leg carefully remembering the last time. Chester grabbed his hand and his grin grew wider.

 

"That wasn't why I am smiling. She also gave you a task", he continued.

 

"Oh... What was that then?", the emcee looked at him surprised and started the car.

 

"Yeah.. She ordered us to sleep in same bed. So if I wake up to a nightmare you hear it sooner and can wake me up. Then I either have to tell you what was about it or write it down. No analyzing. And go back to sleep after that. And then either deal with it in the morning or at least when I see her again", the singer explained.

 

"You sure you're not making that up?", Mike snorted.

 

"Haha, you wish... No. Seriously she thought that cause you have helped me before it would be good idea. Worth to try at least?", the singer said.

 

"Like I would even let you sleep alone....", Mike muttered laughing.

 

"Michael Ke...", Chester started, playing mad but was interrupted by the other man.

 

"Don't you dare to use my birth name or I swear to god I will kick your ass when we get back to the house!", Mike laughed and pointed Chester with his finger.

 

"....nji Shinoda", the singer continued and stuck his tongue out grinning and laughing.

 

"Damn! You certainly know how to annoy me! You're not gonna get away with that!", the emcee laughed and shook his head.

 

They drove back to the house joking around and Chester was so relieved. It all felt so easy now. Like a sunny day with no chance of rain.

 

They were greeted with the rest like the other time too.

 

"How was it? Better than last time?", Dave was first to open his mouth.

 

"Yup, way better. Sure the issues are still there and we have lots to do before they are resolved, but at least I could talk", the singer explained smiling softly.

 

The others looked at each other pleasantly surprised that the singer was feeling better.

 

"He didn't hit you now either?", Rob snorted asking from Mike.

 

"No, he didn't even slap me. But speaking of...", Mike answered and then grabbed Chester over his shoulder like a rag doll heading to his room.

 

"MIKE! Dammit! Put me down, NOW!", Chester was fuming and embarrassed.

 

Brad's face got red and Rob covered the guitarist's eyes laughing. Dave shook his head and grinned. "This is way better than the angst and drama before", he was thinking.

 

Mike ran them quickly to his room and dropped the yelling singer on his bed on.

 

"I said I will kick you ass! You know I will keep my promises", he grinned.

 

"So you said! I think that was already enough", Chester answered pouting his lip. He had still the sparkle in his eyes so Mike knew he wasn't really angry.

 

"Ha! No way!", Mike gave a devilish grin and started to slap Chester's butt.

 

"The fuck you're doing! Stop it! Michael!", Chester was squirming annoyed by the treatment.

 

"You did it again! Chester!", the emcee cracked up but didn't stop.

 

Chester was still quicker and twisting his torso he flipped leg over Mike's back and pulled him on himself. They were both laughing like overtired teenagers until they they were heavily panting and needed to catch a breath. Mike watched Chester so happy that the singer had gotten the joy back in his eyes. They didn't have the shadow anymore. Only sparkled with joy.

 

"What are you thinking?", Chester asked slipping his cold hands under Mike's shirt to hold him by the waist.

 

"That.. it has been so long since I have seen you happy. Like really happy. Even before the nightmares started you were yourself otherwise but didn't have that beautiful sparkle in your eyes. And I can't believe that maybe it could be me causing that", he spilled out wanting to be honest.

 

"Yes. You are the only one to thank. And you know that", the singer whispered staring the emcee's big brown eyes. "And I can't believe you could be mine....", he thought.

 

The emcee sighed and leaned to kiss him. He let also his hands to get under Chester's shirt. The singer tensed for a second but it wasn't a wonder. It was really the first time he had properly touched Chester's bare skin. He was so freaking skinny under his big shirt. "He tastes amazing. I think I'm going crazy...", Mike thought letting his tongue explore more of the singer's mouth. Chester was moaning softly in Mike's mouth and squeezing his waist hard. Mike pulled Chester's shirt slowly over his head watching carefully his reaction. Yes he had seen the singer shirtless many times. And naked just days ago. But this was so intimate that he feared that if the steps were too big the singer would get scared and run away.

 

"You're beautiful", Mike smiled watching the singer under him. Chester didn't answer. His eyes were filled with lust but there was also single tear on his cheek.

 

"Are you okay?", Mike frowned seeing that.

 

"Yeah. Better than okay", the other man answered his voice hoarse and lips slightly swollen and red from the kissing.

 

"What is that tear then?", Mike spoke softly and kissed it away.

 

"I'm just... guess I am scared. Cause I am happy now. But always when I have had the happy moments they have been stolen away so quickly. I have been let down so many times. My heart broken in millions of pieces. I can't take it anymore. So... I am scared that this doesn't last and someday you will say you hate me and leave me", Chester sniffed.

 

"Oh no.. Baby... I... You know I can't promise you that we will be together for ever. But, I have no intentions of leaving you. Like I said I love you. I think I have never felt like this. It is overwhelming and I still need to adjust to it. But I am not going to leave you. Not now, not tomorrow. If it is up to me I will try my best to get it to last forever. Even when we are like another Rolling Stones. You can't jump anymore and Joe gets arthritis, Rob doesn't keep the rhythm and we rest get bored. Yeah, let's do that", Mike smiled pushing their lips together again.

 

Chester was smiling and pulled him closer. Mike's beard was itching his chin that was shaved and his hands still feeling Chester's sides and stomach. Mike let Chester pull his shirt off too and shifted to kiss his jawline and neck. Chester closed his eyes moaning and pulling the emcee closer. He wanted to feel his skin on his. "How the hell does he know where my hot spot is?!", the singer was thinking groaning when the emcee reached the tiny area behind and under his earlobe. Mike pressed himself against Chester breathlessly licking, and nibbling his sensitive skin. He felt the blood gather between his legs and he wondered should he stop now or was this okay for the singer. Same time the singer gasped and tensed up. Mike stopped immediately and pushed away from the other man. Chester was blushing furiously.

 

"I'm sorry... I didn't.. You know.. Shit..", he laughed nervously waiting that the singer would storm out the room and yell that he hated him or something.

 

"Mike, no don't..." Chester started shifting around. But then Mike noticed that he had a huge bulge too.

 

"This is awkward", Mike shook his head.

 

"Yeah... Exactly that. Umm.. Doesn't mean I don't want you, but I am really confused. The last time I was intimate with a man wasn't by my own choice. So.. I don't exactly know what to do", Chester bit his lip.

 

"Well that certainly doesn't help me", Mike stared at him eyes wide swallowing hard.

 

"Shoot, sorry..", the singer laughed and raised a hand to hide his mouth.

 

"But... Yes I know what you mean. I was just actually thinking that should I go further or is it too soon before you froze", the emcee nodded and stroked his arm softly. He stared at singer a while thinking what should he say or do next.

 

"So what do you wanna do know?", he asked then.

 

"I really, really don't know. Maybe... you could hold me?", Chester asked smiling shyly. Mike smiled back and got next to Chester to the bed taking him on his arms.

 

"I love when you hold me in you arms. It's so safe in here", Chester mumbled to Mike's neck.

 

"I love to hold you. I will never let anything bad happen to you", the emcee answered smiling. 

 

Slowly they fell to sleep hearts warm and light. They didn't know what the future would bring, but at that time they didn't even care.

 

~~ The End ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was the last chapter to this story. It was so hard to let go. But, I feel a sequel tingling! It just won't happen just right after this but some years forward. Cause I need my drama, lol! Please do tell how you liked it? :) And thank you for reading!


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